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Describe someone older than you whom you admire. v.1

Describe someone older than you whom you admire. v. 1
Describe someone older than you whom you admire. You should say: who this person is what s/he does what he is like and explain why you admire this person so much. [You will have to talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to think about what you're going to say. You can make some notes to help you if you wish. ] Sample Answer 1: This is an interesting topic and I thank you for the opportunity to talk about someone older than me whom I admire. This would be without any doubt my brother, John, who is five years senior to me. He is my idol, a person I admire from the bottom of my heart and a great friend of mine. John is an architect and he has been working in a large design and development company for more than 3 years. His academic records are excellent and he is planning to move to Canada next year to further enhance his career. I have got only one brother and that is John. He will be 30 in this coming November and has shown a great promise throughout his academic life. My parents and John's teachers have always been optimistic about his becoming a great person in life. I am proud of being his younger brother. Last year John had been a team member of a historically important monument design in our country and a news article described all about the project and people behind this. When I saw John's picture in the newspaper, I was quite happy and excited. He is quite handsome and has got the looking of my mother. He is fond of different outdoor sports and I often play football and volleyball with him.   John has always been there for me. In my early childhood, he was my best buddy and other children knew that John would always protect me no matter what. In several occasions, John fought for me and I was happy for having such a great brother in my life. Furthermore, he has always been a great mentor and adviser for me. He helped me complete my homework, taught me how to play different indoor and outdoor games and always treated me very kindly. He is a good-mannered and a punctual person and he has tried to instil so many moralities and good habits in me that only a good mentor would do. My parents were both busy in their professional life and yet they tried to spend their time with us whenever possible. Despite that, I often missed them and it was John who supported me all the time. Without him, my life would have been much difficult and full of loneliness. I like and admire him for his well-manner, respect for others, great talent and the unparalleled support he has in my life. I consider him a great person who would help a thousand others through his words and works. I personally feel that having a brother like him is indeed a matter of great pride.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
someone older than you whom you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
. You should say:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is what s/he does what he is like and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
so
much. [You will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what you're going to say. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you if you wish.
Loose punctuation mark.
]
Sample Answer 1:

This is an interesting topic and I thank you for the opportunity to talk about someone older than me whom I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
. This would be without any doubt my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
, John,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is five years senior to me. He is my idol, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
from the bottom of my heart and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
friend of mine. John is an
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
architect and
he has been working in a large design and development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for more than 3 years. His academic records are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
excellent and
he is planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to Canada
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
to
further
enhance his career. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
and
that is
John. He will be 30 in this coming November and has shown a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
promise throughout his academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. My parents and John's teachers have always been optimistic about his becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I am proud of being his younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
. Last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
John had been a team member of a
historically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
monument design in our country and a news article
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
all about the project and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behind this. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
John's picture in the newspaper, I was quite happy and excited. He is quite handsome and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the looking of my mother. He is fond of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
outdoor sports and I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play football and volleyball with him.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
John has always been there for me. In my early childhood, he was my best buddy and other children knew that John would always protect me no matter what. In several occasions, John fought for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
me and
I was happy for having such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, he has always been a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
mentor and adviser for me. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me complete my homework, taught me how to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
indoor and outdoor games and always treated me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
kindly. He is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-mannered and a punctual
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
he has tried to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
moralities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits in me that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mentor would do. My parents were both busy in their professional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
yet
they tried to spend their time with us whenever possible. Despite that, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
missed them and it was John
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
supported me all the time. Without him, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would have been much difficult and full of loneliness. I like and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
him for his
well
-manner, respect for others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
talent and the unparalleled support he has in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I consider him a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a thousand others through his words and works.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
personally
feel that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
like him is
indeed
a matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
pride.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS speaking Describe someone older than you whom you admire. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
2 paragraphs
513 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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