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Describe a life changing experience you have had. v.1

Describe a life changing experience you have had. v. 1
Describe a life changing experience you have had. You should say: where it took place & who was with you what happened how it made you feel and explain how it changed your life.   Model Answer 1: We all go through some life-changing experiences at some points of our life which eventually help us become the person we are. I also have gone through such life-changing experiences in my life, and I would like to share one of them today. It was about 15 years ago when I was still a young child and was living with my parents in a busy city. Back then, I also liked to go out with my parents like any other children, whether they were going to do some grocery shopping or visiting a stadium to watch an interesting game. But, the rule was, when going outside anywhere with my parents, I needed to remain close to them all the time, no matter what the situations outside would be. Of course, I tried to stick to the rule as best as I could all the times, except on one occasion, when my parents had taken me to a stadium to watch a football match. If I remember it correctly, it was a final match between two prominent football clubs in my country, and the stadium was packed with thousands of spectators. After the match was over, my parents were very excited and celebrating with other supporters outside of the stadium, and with them, I also was in a celebratory mood. But, while everybody was busy celebrating the victory, I suddenly found myself in a huge crowd which didn’t include my parents. In other words, I was lost as I probably had forgotten the advice of my parents for a while. Naturally, I felt very scared after getting lost and stood still where I was, hoping that my parents would find me.   Not sure, how long I had waited in the crowd, but my parents luckily found me later on. Needless to say, this scary incident changed my life for better, because after this incident, I have always listened to my parents and their advice, whether I liked them or not. Besides, it was after this incident that I started to exercise maximum vigilance wherever I would travel.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
changing experience you have had. You should say: where it took place
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
; who was with you what happened how it made you feel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer 1: We all go through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
life-changing experiences at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us become the person we are. I
also
have gone through such life-changing experiences in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and I would like to share one of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

It was about 15 years ago when I was
still
a young child and was living with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a busy city. Back then, I
also
liked to go out with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
like any other children, whether they were going to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
grocery shopping or visiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadium
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
an interesting game.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
was, when going outside anywhere with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, I needed to remain close to them all the time, no matter what the situations outside would be.

Of course
, I tried to stick to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
as
Did you mean "good"?
best
as I could all the times, except on one occasion, when my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had taken me to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadium
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a football match. If I remember it
correctly
, it was a final match between two prominent football clubs in my country, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadium
was packed
with thousands of spectators. After the match was over, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited and celebrating with other supporters
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadium
, and with them, I
also
was in a celebratory mood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, while everybody was busy celebrating the victory, I
suddenly
found myself in a huge crowd which didn’t include my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In other words
, I
was lost
as I
probably
had forgotten the advice of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for a while.

Naturally
, I felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
scared after getting lost and stood
still
where I was, hoping that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would find me.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Not sure, how long I had waited in the crowd,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
luckily found me later on.

Needless to say
, this scary incident
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after this incident, I have always listened to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their advice, whether I liked them or not.
Besides
, it was after this incident that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to exercise maximum vigilance wherever I would travel.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS speaking Describe a life changing experience you have had. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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