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write a letter to a company for help to renovate the school building

write a letter to a company for help to renovate the school building kYjMO
Dear Mr. Bob, I am writing to inquire about the renovation job of the old school building in the city. As your company has name in renovating job, I would like to take your assistance in getting the school renovated. Admittedly, this work demands creative ideas and experience to brighten up the ruined structure into a fabulous modern school. The old school building is in city-center and has been in dilapidated condition due to ruins of time. Historically, it is 100 years old and was built at the time of monarchy to teach the royal families. Although the area are is huge, but it is not exactly the way it should be for modern schooling. It need a brush of innovative ideas that can make it to perfect primary school with all modern amenities, such as library, computer laboratory and playground. I would suggest you to visit the place and discuss with the board of directors for refurbishment ideas. If you agree to take up this task, we can decide on cost and time needed to complete the assignment. Moreover, your job would facilitate the kids with education, giving you blessings from the overall community. So, I request you to think on this and let me know if we can talk on it. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, XYZ
Dear Mr. Bob,

I am writing to inquire about the renovation job of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
building in the city.

As your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has name in renovating job, I would like to take your assistance in getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
renovated.
Admittedly
, this work demands creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and experience to brighten up the ruined structure into a fabulous modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
building is in city-center and has been in dilapidated condition due to ruins of time.
Historically
, it is 100 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
was built
at the time of monarchy to teach the royal families. Although the area are is huge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not exactly the way it should be for modern schooling. It
Did you mean "needs"?
need
a brush of innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it to perfect primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with all modern amenities, such as library, computer laboratory and playground.

I would suggest you to visit the place and discuss with the board of directors for refurbishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to take up this task, we can decide on cost and time needed to complete the assignment.
Moreover
, your job would facilitate the kids with education, giving you blessings from the
overall
community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
on this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know if we can talk on it.

Looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

XYZ
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IELTS letter write a letter to a company for help to renovate the school building

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
222 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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