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There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive. your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception or could be improved

I’m writing to you regarding to complain the reception area, that visitors arrived there. I have some suggestion and I want explain for you. Today, I received call from receptions staff about customers who visiting the company for employment. She told me space of reception has very small and also that there are some old and big sofa, that took a lot of space. Also in the hall isn’t enough desk for writing the resume. Furthermore air conditioner system has problems and even some times has many noisy, when starting. According this issue, more people don’t wait and leave there. As you know, reception area is very important, Because of usually people when coming, they just see this room. If we don’t have interior design, more people, As soon as enter the hall, they think company is not good condition or maybe company does not pay good salary. Even though, we know factory has great situation. So, I would suggest you, we can change the big sofa’s with new and smaller sofa’s, also we can buy two desk for corner of hall. In my opinion, we can spend some money for fixing air condition system, I calculated before I tell you these matters, We can with around 3, 000 dollars, solve all problems. I hope to hear from you regarding this matter as soon as possible. Thank you. your sincerely John
I’m writing to you
The phrase ‘regarding to’ is not correct. Use “regarding” or “regard to”.
regarding to
complain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reception
area, that visitors arrived there. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestion and I want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
for you.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I received call from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receptions
staff about customers who visiting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for employment. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me space of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reception
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
also
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
sofa, that took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
space.
Also
in the hall isn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
desk for writing the resume.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
air conditioner system has problems and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
noisy, when starting.
It appears that a preposition is missing after ‘According’.
According this
issue, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don’t wait and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
there.

As you know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reception
area is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
when coming, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this room. If we don’t have interior design, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as enter the hall, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition or maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
does not pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary.
Even though
, we know factory has great situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would suggest you, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
sofa’s with new and smaller sofa’s,
also
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
two
Possible agreement error. The noun ‘desk’ seems to be countable, so consider using: “desks”.
desk
for corner of hall. In my opinion, we can spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for fixing air condition system, I calculated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you these matters, We can with around 3, 000 dollars, solve all problems.

I hope to hear from you regarding this matter as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. Thank you.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
your
sincerely


John
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IELTS letter There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive. your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception or could be improved

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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