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young people spend thier time in shopping malls. this ahs negative effext on young people and soicety. to waht extent do you agee or disagree

young people spend thier time in shopping malls. this ahs negative effext on young people and soicety. to waht extent do you agee or disagree y58V
it is indeed that nowadays youngsters are extremely fascinated towards shopping as well contribute their large amount f time in shopping parade. However, this has a detrimental effect on young individuals and society. I agree with the notion up to some extent and explicate my perspectives in subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, the most prominent justification for spending time in a shopping complex is that it has a deleterious effect on education. in other words, juveniles squander their time in shopping malls rather than going to education institute as a consequence this degrade their marks in academic performance. Furthermore, this also influence mindset of youngsters. To elaborate it, if young ones analyse the new technological devices they will definately buy it as a result the previous gadgets are wastefull for them. To epideome, a survey demonstrate that just over 1000 tons of electronic appliances were found in trash bins annually. Moreover, this trend also has negative effect on society. Because the juveniles waste their time in shopping complex rather than studying this led to a decrease in responsible citizens. Hence, the other of members of society will also encounter the complication created by individuals. On the other hand, there is one benefit of spending time in arcade. This assists to increase the economic level of nation. If young masses will purchase things, they will also pay included tax. The regime can increase the revenue. For example, government earn $11 billion after 6 months from shopping taxes in different countries. To sum up, there is no iota of doubt that devoting time to shopping malls has a worse effect on education as well as on ideology of young ones. However, the benefit can be overlook easily because authorities earn plentiful money from other sources also.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
indeed
that nowadays youngsters are
extremely
fascinated towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as well
contribute their large amount f
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
parade.

However
, this has a detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals and society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and explicate my perspectives in subsequent paragraphs.

To embark with, the most prominent justification for spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complex is that it has a deleterious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on education.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, juveniles squander their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls
rather
than going to education institute as a consequence
The verb 'degrade' is plural. Did you mean: "this degrades"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this degrade
their marks in academic performance.
Furthermore
, this
also
influence mindset of youngsters. To elaborate it, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the new technological devices they will
Possible spelling mistake found.
definately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
as a result
the previous gadgets are
Possible spelling mistake found.
wastefull
for them. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
epideome
, a survey demonstrate that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 1000 tons of electronic appliances
were found
in trash bins
annually
.

Moreover
, this trend
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on society.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the juveniles waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complex
rather
than studying this led to a decrease in responsible citizens.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
of members of society will
also
encounter the complication created by individuals.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is one benefit of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in arcade. This assists to increase the economic level of nation. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
masses will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things, they will
also
pay included tax. The regime can increase the revenue.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
earn $11 billion after 6 months from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
taxes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.

To sum up, there is no iota of doubt that devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls has a worse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on education
as well
as on ideology of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
However
, the benefit can be
Consider using a past participle here: "overlooked".
overlook
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
authorities earn plentiful money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources
also
.
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IELTS essay young people spend thier time in shopping malls. this ahs negative effext on young people and soicety. to waht extent do you agee or disagree

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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