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Do you agree or disagree with the idea that we should use fake fur instead of animals fur to make clothes

with the idea that we should use fake fur instead of animals fur to make clothes YR17N
Personally, i oppose with the idea that we should use fake fur instead of animals fur to make clothes. Firstly, fake fur industry does harm to the environment. Most fake fur are made from plastic and petroleum. When these materials are released to environment, they still exist in a form of microplastic in water and soil and it takes more than 1000 years to disintegrate them. Animals eat microplastic and people eat animals. Therefore, using fake fur has serious effects on both animals and people’s health. Not to mention that, although petroleum is essential in our life, it is not available. Therefore, people should take advantage of petroleum to produce vital things instead of making clothes. Secondyly, using fake fur reduces the value of clothes. There are a lot of materials to make clothes but people still choose animals fur because it can bring users a luxurious look. In other words, fake fur will not satisfy consumers' demand for its luxury.
Personally
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
oppose with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
clothes.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
industry does harm to the environment. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
are made
from plastic and petroleum. When these materials
are released
to environment, they
still
exist in a form of microplastic in water and soil and it takes more than 1000 years to disintegrate them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
eat microplastic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Therefore
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
has serious effects on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.

Not to mention that, although petroleum is essential in our life, it is not available.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take advantage of petroleum to produce vital things
instead
of making clothes.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Secondyly
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the value of clothes. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
materials to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can bring users a luxurious look.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
will not satisfy consumers' demand for its luxury.
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IELTS essay with the idea that we should use fake fur instead of animals fur to make clothes

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
161 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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