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Will you spend your money to buy a piece of jewelry or a ticket for a concert

Will you spend your money to buy a piece of jewelry or a ticket for a concert qVDmr
Our answer to this question may vary depending on the priorities and expectations we have in our life. In this regard, people seem to have different opinions upon the question. I personally prefer to buy a ticket for a concert instead of a piece of jewelry. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint through three noticeable reasons. To begin with, I am the kind of person who really enjoys attending social events and activities. It's always entertaining for me to see a movie or listen to a concert with a lot of people, especially movies and concerts that provoke a strong reaction. People's reaction to different parts of these activities keeps me engaged and makes me so enthusiastic that I never want to leave the place even after the performance. I am certain that experiencing the lively and exciting atmosphere of the concert hall would be an entirely good memory, which can help us maintain our good mood. It's like a good relaxation and refreshment after a day of hard work. Secondly, music like language and literature is a great way to communicate thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Exposing to different pieces of music of any style broadens our vision and improves our creativity. This way, we can better understand how other people feel and think in different situations, which makes it easier for us to tolerate other ideas and beliefs different from ours. In my opinion, to build a better world, without war and conflict, we should initially be able to understand other people's thoughts, beliefs, and interests and respect their decisions. Thirdly, attending a concert may offer us a great opportunity to make friends. In the concert halls, there is a large group of people who have an important common interest, i. e. music, and this can help us begin a conversation with them. Communicating with a lot of people from diverse backgrounds not only can change our mind but also gives us a great experience we'll never forget. It's the best way to get out of our comfort zone. When I was young, at the beginning of a concert, I began to talk with a cool boy who came with his friends. We continued talking about our lives, and by the end of the concert, we ended up becoming friends. After a long time, we still get along, and interestingly he is now one of my close friends, who often invites me to concerts and other activities. In summary, based on the aforementioned arguments, there are many reasons which can persuade us to attend a concert rather than buy a piece of jewelry when we have some money. Some of them are mentioned above such as the exciting and lively atmosphere of concert halls, broadening our creativity and insight, and opportunities to make friends. However, that was a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are some other reasons and examples challenging the claim, which are not mentioned above. All in all, I firmly believe that attending social activities is a great way to remain in a good mood.
Our answer to this question may vary depending on the priorities and expectations we have in our life. In this regard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
opinions upon the question. I
personally
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a ticket for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
instead
of a piece of jewelry. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint through three noticeable reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I am the kind of person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
really
enjoys attending social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and activities. It's always entertaining for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a movie or listen to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
that provoke a strong reaction.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's reaction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of these activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
me engaged and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
enthusiastic that I never want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the place even after the performance. I am certain that experiencing the lively and exciting atmosphere of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
hall would be an
entirely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
memory, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us maintain our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
mood. It's like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relaxation and refreshment after a day of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

Secondly
, music like language and literature is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
way to communicate thoughts, feelings, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. Exposing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
pieces of music of any style broadens our vision and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our creativity. This way, we can better understand how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
situations, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it easier for us to tolerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and beliefs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from ours. In my opinion, to build a better world, without war and conflict, we should
initially
be able to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thoughts, beliefs, and interests and respect their decisions.

Thirdly
, attending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
may offer us a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
halls, there is a large group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
common interest,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
music, and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a conversation with them. Communicating with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from diverse backgrounds not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gives us a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
experience we'll never forget. It's the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of our comfort zone. When I was young, at the beginning of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
, I began to talk with a cool boy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. We continued talking about our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
, we ended up becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. After a long time, we
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along, and
interestingly
he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
one of my close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
invites me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities.

In summary, based on the aforementioned arguments, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons which can persuade us to attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a piece of jewelry when we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
are mentioned
above such as the exciting and lively atmosphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
halls, broadening our creativity and insight, and opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
However
, that was a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons and examples challenging the claim, which are not mentioned above. All in all, I
firmly
believe that attending social activities is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
way to remain in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
mood.
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IELTS essay Will you spend your money to buy a piece of jewelry or a ticket for a concert

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
513 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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