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Why Public health Career is right for you?

Why Public health Career is right for you? 30Kqb
“Prevention is better than cure” School: During my childhood, I used to have this weird fetish of wearing white gloves and trying to dissect clay moulds and roaming here and there around the house. I always wanted to be a doctor especially cardiothoracic surgeon/ heart specialist, I realized this particular field because there was this chapter on the Heart and its Functions in my 10th Grade Board Exam, I was really fascinated by the functionality of the how the heart plays the vital role to keep our body alive and functioning properly at all times. That time heart strokes/ attacks were not so common, but nowadays its is linked to one of the highest deaths causing disease. During my schooling days, I was really a distracted child which means that lack of attention, unable to focus on my studies, etc. One day, my teachers from school called up my parents and said that your child has learning disability and attention disorder. Also, I was a neglected child in the classroom due to irrational fear and lack of confidence, unable to perform well in the class, taken for granted etc. I couldn’t understand the concepts about how should one study, why should one study, what can you do once you are well educated, and so on. Little did know what it takes to taste the success and overcome your fears until the moment when you realize that success can be only achieved through hard work, dedication, determination and will to succeed. I scored distinction in my 10th Boards and teachers of my school did not expect it from me at all. I proved them wrong. College: In my college days, I tried to overcome my irrational fears and I started getting out of my comfort zone, exploring different opportunities, taking up new things and learning from them, participating in college fests, etc and it felt really very good. I had taken Science Stream so that I could pursue my dream of becoming a doctor. I still have a very strong bonding with my college professors. I appeared for National Eligibility Cum Entrance test for Medical Graduate studies, unfortunately I could not make it up to the cut off required to qualify. At the same time, my private class teachers duped us by leaving me just 4 months away before the final 12th grade boards exam. Also, our family faced a huge financial turmoil, leaving us to the stage of just mere survival. My Parents always used to say that we have money for educational purposes and for family’s wellbeing only and not for unnecessary things. I had taken French language during my college days, because it always seemed something new to learn and to be different in some way. Over a period of time, I started loving French Language so much that I got the 85 marks in my 12th Board Exam, even though I didn’t have any background in my schooling days. Since I was passionate about French Language, my father asked to me to enrol into the French Language Learning Course at Alliance Francaise de Bombay Graduation: Since I could not qualify to medical graduate studies, I had to shift to Arts Program for my undergraduate studies. At this point, Since I was learning French Language and Managing studies because it was a bit difficult to bridge the gap between Science Stream and Arts Stream, it took me a while to cover up the transition gap I faced a lot of challenges in my first and Second year of my graduate studies as I was trying to get more exposure in the outer world by enrolling myself into various college departments such as UNESCO Inter Religious Department, wherein I was a part of the core team and we had successfully delivered the International symposium twice. Volunteered in college annual fests. I tried to put a proposal to start a Language Exchange Department in college, so that people will get to know the importance of learning languages in the market, what opportunities one might be able to grab on, scope to go on exchanges and experience the different cultures. Unfortunately, due to lack of funding opportunities in college to support this initiative was not considered. But I will not give up, I know for sure, I will be bringing this idea into existence in the near future. I participated in in seminars took up extra courses offered by college i. e. Gender Studies, Leadership Course. Learning outcome from these courses were, we all are in the same situation where we all are trying to make this world a better place and to bring a positive change about it. There was point where my decision was later proved to be right in the future was that I had 2 options of whether choosing Economics or Sociology
“Prevention is better than cure”

School: During my childhood, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have this weird fetish of wearing white gloves and trying to dissect clay
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulds' is British English.
moulds
and roaming here and there around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. I always wanted to be a doctor
especially
cardiothoracic surgeon/
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
specialist, I realized this particular field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there was this chapter on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Heart
and its Functions in my 10th Grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Board
Exam, I was
really
fascinated by the functionality of
Did you mean "how"?
the how
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
plays the vital role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our body alive and functioning
properly
at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
strokes/ attacks were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays its
is linked
to one of the highest deaths causing disease.

During my schooling days, I was
really
a distracted child which means that lack of attention, unable to focus on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, etc. One day, my teachers from school called up my parents and said that your child has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
disability and attention disorder.
Also
, I was a neglected child in the classroom due to irrational fear and lack of confidence, unable to perform well in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, taken for granted etc. I couldn’t understand the concepts about how should one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, why should one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, what can you do once you are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
did know what it takes to taste the success and overcome your fears until the moment when you realize that success can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieved through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, dedication, determination and will to succeed. I scored distinction in my 10th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Boards
and teachers of my school did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
it from me at all. I proved them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

College: In my college days, I tried to overcome my irrational fears and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
getting out of my comfort zone, exploring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opportunities, taking up new things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
from them, participating in college fests, etc and it felt
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. I had taken Science Stream
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I could pursue my dream of becoming a doctor. I
still
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong bonding with my college professors.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
appeared for National Eligibility
This expression is informal. Consider a replacement.
Cum
Entrance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
for Medical Graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, unfortunately I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it up to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off required to qualify. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, my private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
teachers duped us by leaving me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
4 months away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the final 12th grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boards
exam.
Also
, our family faced a huge financial turmoil, leaving us to the stage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
mere survival. My Parents always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to say that we have money for educational purposes and for family’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and not for unnecessary things. I had taken French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
during my college days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it always seemed something new to learn and to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way. Over a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
loving French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the 85 marks in my 12th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Board
Exam,
even though
I didn’t have any background in my schooling days. Since I was passionate about French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
, my father
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'asked'. Remove it: "asked".
asked to
me to enrol into the French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Course
at Alliance
Possible spelling mistake found.
Francaise
de
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Bombay


Graduation: Since I could not qualify to medical graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, I had to shift to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "art".
Arts
Program for my undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. At this point, Since I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
and Managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was a bit difficult to bridge the gap between Science Stream and Arts Stream, it took me a while to cover up the transition gap I faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
challenges in my
first
and Second year of my graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as I was trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more exposure in the outer world by enrolling myself into various college departments such as UNESCO Inter Religious Department, wherein I was a part of the core
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
team and
we had
successfully
delivered the International symposium twice. Volunteered in college annual fests. I tried to put a proposal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
Exchange Department in college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in the market, what opportunities one might be able to grab on, scope to go on exchanges and experience the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. Unfortunately, due to lack of funding opportunities in college to support this initiative was not considered.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I will not give up, I know for sure, I will be bringing this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
into existence in the near future. I participated
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
seminars took up extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
offered by college
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studies
, Leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Course
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
outcome from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
were, we all are in the same situation where we all are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this world a better place and to bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
about it. There was point where my decision was later proved to be right in the future was that I had 2 options of whether choosing Economics or
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Sociology
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IELTS essay Why Public health Career is right for you?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
804 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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