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we cannot help everyone in the world that needs helps, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.16

Do you think you should help everyone or only help to who's you are able to? Personally I agree with second one. Someone who needs to help means needy. In the World needy persons increasing every year. Resource of the United Nations shows 132million people in 2019, 168million people in 2020 became a needy. The United Nations guess this going to increase 235million people in 2021. First of the reasons are; Wars, Economic Slumps, Natural Disasters and Personal Mistakes make people needy. Someone helps to charity associations in the World, someone helps to relatives and someone try to help who's seems needy. There is a to much option to help to needies. But, which one is the true way? Islamic ways are explaining help someone who's you know needy. We might make a foundation exploit who's needy on markets, on bakers, on malls, on butchers, on hospitals and on the schools. Personally I think if you're not a richer, you ought to try this way because, there is a too much people act look like a needy and they put lot of effort for take payment! My opinion is when you want to change something isn't okey, first start with yourself. If you don't like a city color, first you should start paint with your wall. Do you agree with? Have a good days. .
Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
you should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
Did you mean "who you are" or "who is your"?
who's you are
able to?
Personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with second one.

Someone who needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
. In the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
persons increasing every year. Resource of the United Nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
132million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 2019, 168million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 2020 became a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
. The United Nations guess this going to increase 235million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 2021.
First
of the reasons are; Wars, Economic Slumps, Natural Disasters and Personal Mistakes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
needy.

Someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to charity associations in the World, someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to relatives and someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "tries", "tried".
try
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who's
seems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
. There is a
Did you mean "too"?
to
much option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
needies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, which one is the true way?

Islamic ways are explaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who's
you know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
. We might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a foundation exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
on markets, on bakers, on malls, on butchers, on hospitals and on the schools.
Personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if you're not a richer, you ought to try this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, there is a too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
act look like a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
needy and
they put
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
effort for take payment! My opinion is when you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
something isn'
Possible spelling mistake found.
t okey
,
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with yourself. If you don't like a city color,
first
you should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
paint with your wall. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with? Have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "day"?
days
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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