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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers? mNNA
Nowadays, technology increasing day by day and people are becoming progressively dependent on computer. There is no doubt that computer makes the work easier and fast. Although, there are some disadvantages of using computer and internet but advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This topic is about to discuss that computer-based technology will change the future or not? Firstly, computer makes significant changes in human life because people can do their so many things by using the computer-based technology. For example, during these days in pandemic where number of people are working home on computer without go out from home. Moreover, children and parents playing games, doing online shopping and joining online classes. Computer power is increases significantly and it will enhance the positive aspects in everything we do. On the other side, there are some negative points of rely on so much on internet. People are becoming dependable on internet even for small things. For example, now they can do shopping and grocery by internet and because of that they are missing social interaction with other people. Moreover, children are spending most of their time to playing online games and surfing internet social sites and they are becoming more addicted with it. Most of people are becoming workaholic because they know they can make more money by doing several types of online jobs. In conclusion, everyone knows that there are some disadvantages of depending on computer- based technology but advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Definetly, technology will change the future but people will see the bad aspects as well as. It is more important to focus on positive results.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
increasing day by day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming
progressively
dependent on computer. There is no doubt that computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the work easier and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of using computer and internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This topic is about to discuss that computer-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the future or not?

Firstly
, computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in human life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things by using the computer-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, during these days in pandemic where number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working home on computer without go out from home.
Moreover
, children and parents playing games, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping and joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes. Computer power is increases
significantly
and it will enhance the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects in everything we do.

On the other side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points of rely on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much on internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming dependable on internet even for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they can do shopping and grocery by internet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they are missing social interaction with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, children are spending most of their time to playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games and surfing internet social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sites and
they are becoming more addicted with it. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming workaholic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money by doing several types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
jobs.

In conclusion
, everyone knows that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of depending on computer- based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Definetly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aspects
as well
as. It is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results.
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IELTS essay We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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