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Today, parents spend little free time with their children. Why is this the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

Today, parents spend little free time with their children. Why is this the case? Who are more affected: parents or children? 5nMn
Nowadays, there’s a lack of the amount of time that parents spend with their children. Personally, this phenomenon seems to me that badly affect to children. There is a number of reasons for this and children are likely to face greater consequences of this lack of parental presence. To begin with, there are two contributing factors behind this trend. The first and foremost cause is the advancement of the society. This development is related closely to the current state of affairs of parents. Take a concrete example for this relationship, when the demand for society rises as well as the need to meet this demand rises and consequently, parents have to work more to catch up with the society. Therefore, children don’t have enough time with their parents and careful parenting supervision. Secondly, with the rise of modern technological devices, parents tend to spend more time on technology than with their kids. Digital technology takes people a lot of space in their daily basis timing. In terms of impact on children, they are greatly affected due to this parenting timing shortage. As a child who is very sensitive and needs special attention from parents, this shortcoming may decrease confidence and self-esteem of a child. Moreover, the encouragement comes from mom and dad has a huge positive effect on children. For instance, my 6-year-old cousin attended a football match last week, his parents didn’t appear at the first period of the game so he played not very well. But in the second half, the came and suddenly, my cousin had an outstanding header to score a goal. In addition, the lack of parent’s teaching lead to the shortcoming of forming one child’s personality. To sum up, parents spend little free time with their children due to several reasons related to their jobs and the expansion of technology. However, the must decide how much time to spare for their activities in an effective way because their children are badly affected without parents.
Nowadays, there’s a lack of the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Personally
, this phenomenon seems to me that
badly
affect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There is a number of reasons for this and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to face greater consequences of this lack of parental presence.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two contributing factors behind this trend. The
first
and foremost cause is the advancement of the society. This development
is related
closely
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
state of affairs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Take a concrete example for this relationship, when the demand for society rises
as well
as the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this demand rises and
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work more to catch up with the society.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and careful parenting supervision.
Secondly
, with the rise of modern technological devices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on technology than with their kids. Digital technology takes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
space in their daily basis timing.

In terms of impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they are
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to this parenting timing shortage. As a child who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensitive and needs special attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, this shortcoming may decrease confidence and self-esteem of a child.
Moreover
, the encouragement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from mom and dad has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, my 6-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cousin attended a football match last week, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
didn’t appear at the
first
period of the game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he played not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the second half, the came and
suddenly
, my cousin had an outstanding header to score a goal.
In addition
, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
teaching lead to the shortcoming of forming one child’s personality.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to several reasons related to their jobs and the expansion of technology.
However
,
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
decide how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spare for their activities
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
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IELTS essay Today, parents spend little free time with their children. Why is this the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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