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These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them.Do you think benefits of this outweigh diadvantages in terms of family development?

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh diadvantages in terms of family development? 7wV6
The opportunities to work abroad are more today as they have ever been before. Departing your country along with your family to a foreign country for work is nowadays is very common. This situation has both merits and as well as demerits but merits outweigh the drawbacks Despite the drawback below, I believe the benefits if living abroad with family is extremely useful for the family progress. Firstly, an individual will not lose the family bond. These binds will strengthen them and keep away from homesickness. For instance, its been often seen that some people are unable to bear to homesickness. as a result, they prefer returning back to their country. Living with your loved ones in any part of the globe will be unmatchable. Secondly, children while growing up needs attention of both parents and at that tike separation can lead to a major loss to their future. This can also help to improve the quality of life. Thirdly, it's quite common in abroad that both men and women are working equally which will be essential in financial stability. In this way they can provide quality education and save money for the betterment of their future. Admittedly, there are some issues in travelling along with the family abroad. One problem is that other countries are more expensive comparatively. When an individual is alone he can compromise for anything. However on the other hand. With the family, he will look for the best option like proper education, the best means of transportation and healthy meals. This way saving itself is a major problem that can be stressful for the family. Another problem is settling in a new place. Job searching is one of the difficult tasks in the initial stage and cultural shock la which will also take time to be settled. Taking family along with you in the start might be detrimental for the whole family. In conclusion, the advantages of shifting with family to abroad outweigh the drawback s family makes you strong to achieve your goals
The opportunities to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
as they have ever been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Departing your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
along with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for work is nowadays is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common. This situation has both merits and
as well
as demerits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
merits outweigh the drawbacks

Despite the drawback below, I believe the benefits if living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
extremely
useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
progress.
Firstly
, an individual will not lose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond. These binds will strengthen them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away from homesickness.
For instance
,
Did you mean "it's" (="it has") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unable to bear to homesickness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
a result, they prefer
Consider using "returning".
returning back
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Living with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones in any part of the globe will be unmatchable.
Secondly
, children while growing up needs attention of both parents and at that
Possible spelling mistake found.
tike
separation can lead to a major loss to their future. This can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life.
Thirdly
, it's quite common in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are working
equally
which will be essential in financial stability. In this way they can provide quality education and save money for the betterment of their future.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues in travelling along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. One problem is that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are more expensive
comparatively
. When an individual is alone he can compromise for anything.
However
on the other hand
. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, he will look for the best option like proper education, the best means of transportation and healthy meals. This way saving itself is a major problem that can be stressful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Another problem is settling in a new place. Job searching is one of the difficult tasks in the initial stage and cultural shock la which will
also
take time to
be settled
. Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
along with you in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
might be detrimental for the whole family.

In conclusion
, the advantages of shifting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
outweigh the drawback s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you strong to achieve your goals
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IELTS essay These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh diadvantages in terms of family development?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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