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There are many different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the interaditional music that is heardeverywhere nowadays?

There are many different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the interaditional music that is heardeverywhere nowadays? 7ee2
It is true that nowadays international musics heard everywhere basically among the young people. However, mostly old people are listening to traditional musics because it gives to more pleasure and remember the memories. In my opinion traditional music is the best national culture as well as traditional musics are better than international musics. On the other one hand, it is correct that some people often listen to international musics there are several reasons, firstly, the main cause is TV channel's-show and internet programs owing to nearly most people are using the Internet messengers namely Instagram, Tik tok, and Telegram. This is because in this programs has an international music and an billion of predominatingly young people are watching to the vedios and with listening to international music on the programs. therefore, nowadays traditional music is loosing among the majority people since Internet and international music have already entered in the population. However, international music gives to more enjoyable moments and relaxation as world have well-known singers and groups for instance, The Beatles, The Weekend, and other singer's song have already trendy in the world. Despite the arguments above, I believe that traditional music is very important for nation culture because that this is a great performance for a country. For example, in mostcountries celebrate nation feast notably independent holiday and festivals and these holidays celebrated with traditional and national music. Moreover, also, old people and others ages want to listen that musics. International music is very emphatically and it is sosuitable for everyone. Up to a point. Some people appreciate traditional music for instance, France are good example they always safe the traditional music even, "Dominique" music is still a trendy among the population this is because after second war that music was published in 1962 year by three group of women also, then productive music's women-group "super nation heros" awarded in 1970 thereafter, traditional music is so needful because it is so importance of a country. To conclude, although international music heard everywhere however traditional music is stil revere in the world. I think traditional music is extraordinary heard-full as it shares more hilarious moments for every time. Wordcount: 369
It is true that nowadays
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international
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musics
heard everywhere
basically
among the young
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people
.
However
,
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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people
are listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives to more pleasure and remember the memories. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best national culture
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
are better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
. On the other one hand, it is correct that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
there are several reasons,
firstly
, the main cause is TV channel's-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and internet programs owing to
nearly
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using the Internet messengers
namely
Instagram,
Did you mean "TikTok" (= social networking app)?
Tik tok
, and Telegram. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
Did you mean "these"?
this
programs has an
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international
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music
and
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
billion of
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predominatingly
young
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people
are watching to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
vedios
and with listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
on the programs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is loosing among the majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since Internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have already
There isn't usually a preposition after "entered". Did you mean "entered the population"?
entered in the population
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
gives to more enjoyable moments and relaxation as world have well-known singers and groups
for instance
, The Beatles, The Weekend, and other singer's song have already trendy in the world. Despite the arguments above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for nation culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that this is a great performance for a country.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
mostcountries
celebrate nation feast
notably
independent holiday and festivals and these holidays celebrated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Moreover
,
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
ages want to listen that
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musics
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
emphatically
and it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
sosuitable
for everyone. Up to a point.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for instance
, France are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example they always
The word "safe" is an adjective. Did you mean the verb "save"?
safe
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
even,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Dominique
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
still
a trendy among the population this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after second war that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was published
in 1962 year by three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'group' seems to be countable, so consider using: "groups".
group
of women
also
, then productive music's women-group
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
super nation
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "heroes", the plural form of the noun 'hero'?
heros
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
awarded in 1970 thereafter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
needful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
importance of a country.
To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
heard everywhere
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
stil
revere in the world. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is extraordinary heard-full as it shares more hilarious moments for every time.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wordcount
: 369
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IELTS essay There are many different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the interaditional music that is heardeverywhere nowadays?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
360 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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