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The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis Ten years ago as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housi

The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis Ten years ago as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housi E3qWb
A recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis suggests that they should re-implement the urban renewal program that was implemented in the city ten years ago, and which provided great benefits for the city as a whole. The arguer states that freeing up land, by relocating the people would not be problem. The arguer's recommendation seems convincing when it is read for the first time, although when we mull over the recommendation, alternate possibilities come to light which might undermine the arguer's recommendation. Firstly, the arguer states that the urban renewal program will provide exactly the same results as it did ten-years ago, and in the process revitalize the city further. The arguer fails to provide evidence in the form of data to support such a claim. What if new factories fail to develop on the newly freed up land? What if the crime rate does not decrease further? What if the property tax collected does not increase? All such questions can be answered if a thorough demographic study is conducted on the city. The arguer bolsters his claim by providing evidence of instances that happened ten years ago. It might be the case that such positive effects do not occur this time around. Hence, without a detailed study, the planning department's recommendation might not pan out as it was supposed to. Secondly, the arguer's solution to freeing up space for the implementation of urban renewal program is to evict citizens from their homes. The arguer states that the opposite side of the city has many apartments that are unoccupied, owing to which these buildings can be razed to free up space for building new industries. The arguer fails to consider the fact that houses are currently empty, but probably a few years down the line, demand for houses in Transopolis may increase. Additionally, what if the new industries are developed and they need accomodations for their employees? Such a situation would mean that the demand for houses will outnumber the houses available for sale. As a result, house prices will increase and it will upset the normal balance of economics. The planning department's suggestion of razing unoccupied land needs further deliberation before such a plan is set into motion. Lastly, even if we assume that razing unoccupied apartments is a viable option, how can the arguer be certain that alternate housing will be readily available? What if alternate housing is not available on time and the people evicted from their original homes have to spend their lives on the streets? This might lead to large scale rescentment among the citizens of Transopolis. Moreover, even if we assume that alternate housing is available, what makes the arguer certain that people will agree to move to another location? What if their is opposition by the people against eviction from their homes? This would seriously call into question, the implementation of urban renewal program and undermine the planning department's suggestion. In sum, it cannot be categorically stated if the planning department's suggestion regarding urban renewal program will be a success. It is due to the various fallacies, that have been stated in the paragraphs above, that seriously question the planning department's plan and undermine their position.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommendation
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
department of the city of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Transopolis
suggests that they should re-implement the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
that
was implemented
in the city ten years ago, and which provided great benefits for the city as a whole. The arguer states that freeing up land, by relocating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not be problem. The arguer's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommendation
seems convincing when it
is read
for the
first
time, although when we mull over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommendation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternate
possibilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to light which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
undermine the arguer's recommendation.

Firstly
, the arguer states that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
will provide exactly the same results as it did ten-years ago, and in the process revitalize the city
further
. The arguer fails to provide evidence in the form of data to support such a claim. What if new factories fail to develop on the
newly
freed up land? What if the crime rate does not decrease
further
?
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
What
if the property tax collected does not increase? All such questions can
be answered
if a thorough demographic study
is conducted
on the city. The arguer bolsters his claim by providing evidence of instances that happened ten years ago. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the case that such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects do not occur this time around.
Hence
, without a detailed study, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommendation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not pan out as it
was supposed
to.

Secondly
, the arguer's solution to freeing up space for the implementation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is to evict citizens from their homes. The arguer states that the opposite side of the city has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
apartments that
are unoccupied
, owing to which these buildings can
be razed
to free up space for building new industries. The arguer fails to consider the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
are
currently
empty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
probably
a few years down the line, demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Transopolis
may increase.
Additionally
, what if the new industries are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
developed and
they need
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodations
for their employees? Such a situation would mean that the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
will outnumber the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
for sale.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
prices will increase and it will upset the normal balance of economics. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department's
suggestion of razing unoccupied land needs
further
deliberation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
such a plan
is set
into motion.

Lastly
, even if we assume that razing unoccupied apartments is a viable option, how can the arguer be certain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternate
housing will be
readily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
? What if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternate
housing is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
on time and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
evicted from their original homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on the streets? This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to large scale
Possible spelling mistake found.
rescentment
among the citizens of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Transopolis
.
Moreover
, even if we assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternate
housing is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the arguer certain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another location? What if
Did you mean "there"?
their
is opposition by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
against eviction from their homes? This would
seriously
call into question, the implementation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
and undermine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department's
suggestion.

In sum, it cannot be
categorically
stated if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department's
suggestion regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
will be a success. It is due to the various fallacies, that have
been stated
in the paragraphs above, that
seriously
question the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department's
plan and undermine their position.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis Ten years ago as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housi

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
537 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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