Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine."A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep t

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine. " A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep t n6x3o
In this article, the editorial’s author concludes that hiring only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night would assist a business to prosper. The author also cites limited anecdotal statistics regarding Mentian advertising executives to substantiate the conclusion. Close scrutiny of the evidences reveals that they lend little creditable support to the author’s conclusion. The first problem with the study has to do with the study mentioned, in that the author hastily assumes that the sample used in this study is representative of the larger population. As you know, in research studies, the larger the sample used in the study, the more reliable and valid the findings are. As such, more information regarding the overall number of executives of the advertising firms that were studied is required in order to correctly assess the argument. Maybe the total number of individuals that were studied was significantly larger than the 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives, in which event the results of such study is neither reliable, nor valid. Secondly, the argument relies on a known correlation between the profit margins and growth speed and the average number of hours the executives sleep per night. Yet the correlation alone amounts to scant evidence of the claimed cause-and-effect relationship. Perhaps higher profit margins and faster growth could be achieved by other factors such as training workshops for the advertisers, or superior advertising strategies implemented by the firms. In short, without establishing that no plausible factors involving the profit margins and growth speed affected the results of the previously mentioned study, I cannot accept the author’s conclusion. Finally, the conclusion depends on another unsubstantiated assumption that hiring only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night by itself bring higher profit margins and faster growth to the desired extent. Absent any evidence that this is the case, it is entirely possible that the recommended course of action would not suffice by itself. Unless the author supplies substantiating evidence, the conclusion lacks any merit whatsoever. In sum, the argument is logically flawed, and therefore unconvincing. To bolster the argument, the author must firstly indicate that the sample used in the study was not only significant in size, but also representative of the larger population. In addition, the author must offer evidence regarding the correlation between the profit margins and the average number of hours the executive sleep per night. We would also need to know whether the proposed plan would suffice by itself to achieve higher profit margins and faster growth.
In this article, the editorial’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
concludes that hiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who need less than 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
would assist a business to prosper. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
also
cites limited anecdotal statistics regarding
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mentian
advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executives
to substantiate the conclusion.
Consider using "scrutiny".
Close scrutiny
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidences
reveals that they lend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
creditable support to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author’s
conclusion.

The
first
problem with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
mentioned, in that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
hastily
assumes that the sample
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is representative of the larger population. As you know, in research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, the larger the sample
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, the more reliable and valid the findings are. As such, more information regarding the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executives
of the advertising firms that
were studied
is required
in order to
correctly
assess the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
. Maybe the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of individuals that
were studied
was
significantly
larger than the 300 male and female
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mentian
advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executives
, in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
the results of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is neither reliable, nor valid.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
relies on a known correlation between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margins
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
speed and the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
.
Yet
the correlation alone amounts to scant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
of the claimed cause-and-effect relationship. Perhaps higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margins
and faster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
could
be achieved
by other factors such as training workshops for the advertisers, or superior advertising strategies implemented by the firms. In short, without establishing that no plausible factors involving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margins
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
speed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the results of the previously mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, I cannot accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author’s
conclusion.

Finally
, the conclusion depends on another unsubstantiated assumption that hiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who need less than 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
by itself bring higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margins
and faster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
to the desired extent. Absent any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
that this is the case, it is
entirely
possible that the recommended course of action would not suffice by itself. Unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
supplies substantiating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
, the conclusion lacks any merit whatsoever.

In sum, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is
logically
flawed, and
therefore
unconvincing. To bolster the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
firstly
indicate that the sample
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
significant in size
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
representative of the larger population.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
regarding the correlation between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margins
and the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. We would
also
need to know whether the proposed plan would suffice by itself to achieve higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margins
and faster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine. " A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep t

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
424 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine."A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep t