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Television watching is increased by children compared to past, What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Television watching is increased by children compared to past, What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? 3dP5
Watching of television increased nowadays drastically by children compared to past. In these paragraphs, I intend to delve into the advantages and disadvantages of television for the children. One of the major benefit of the watching television is that, they becomes aware from the world's ongoing events, activities. They can gain knowledge of various subjects like science and technology based on television. This is a rapid era so, they can be well-known with the news and advertisements on TV channels. Furthermore, in the new generation children also be familiar with their passion, they used to watch realities shows like, singing, dancing, acting and so on. children might be choose their profession or career bases on that, if they have indeed interest in that. For Example, A Rajat Sharma who is well-known television news channel anchor, who was fond of watching television in his childhood, but in his own house there was not a television therefore, he was going to watch a television his neighbor's house, one day his father told him, if you indeed fond of watch television, do some work like that people becomes zealous to watch you and those words made him a very famous news channel anchor of the India. The disadvantages are those, children watch continuous television, that's affects on their eyesight and also cannot concentrate on the study. In some cases i had heard that, the children who are watching maximum time television, they generally become lazy. To Conclude, watching television is not bad if there is a certain limits, there are negligible disadvantages of watching television against advantages.
Watching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
increased nowadays
drastically
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compared to past. In these paragraphs, I intend to delve into the advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for the children.

One of the major benefit of the watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is that, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "become"
becomes
aware from the world's ongoing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, activities. They can gain knowledge of various subjects like science and technology based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. This is a rapid era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can be well-known with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and advertisements on TV channels.

Furthermore
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
be familiar with their passion, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
realities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
like, singing, dancing, acting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might be
Consider using the past participle "chosen"?
choose
their profession or career bases on that, if they have
indeed
interest in that.

For Example
, A
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rajat
Sharma who is well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel anchor, who was fond of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in his childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
there was not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
therefore
, he was going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
his neighbor's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, one day his father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him, if you
indeed
fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "works"?
work
like that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
becomes
zealous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
you and those words made him a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel anchor of the India.

The disadvantages are those,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, that's affects on their eyesight and
also
cannot concentrate on the study. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
had heard that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are watching maximum time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, they
generally
become lazy.

To Conclude
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
if there is a certain limits, there are negligible disadvantages of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
against advantages.
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IELTS essay Television watching is increased by children compared to past, What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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