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television has positive effect on our society

television has positive effect on our society e51mK
Many people believe that television is a blessing because it provides amusements to it's fans. However, others think that television is a curse, wasting people's time. In my opinion, watching television has many drawbacks and it is better to limit it's usage. Television is a main cause of obesity, distraction, and lack of exercise First, television does not promote healthy life style. Many people spend so much time watching television which causes them to eat more, drink more, and become lazy. Eventually, This sedentary life style would result and an increase in body weight. Obesity is a major cause of many diseases which include diabetes, hypertension, and heart diseases. The longer hours we spend watching television, the more we are prone to such diseases. Moreover, watching television makes the children sleep late. a common saying" sleep early and wake up early, astonishingly, you health will improve" . Moreover, watching television for a long time has a bad effect on vision. Many people experience deterioration in vision after a standing long hours behind the television. Secondly. although watching television may provide some amusement, it is also a reason to postpone many of daily activities, thus make us procrastinate. Procrastination is the tendency to delay doing things that are a necessity. For instance, in many occasions, I had to delay going to jog in order not to miss a program that I watch on the television. Exercising is very crucial for a person a health. Without exercise the brain, the body, and organs cannot function properly. Therefore, spending so much time watching television is a waist of time. Thirdly, watching television does not encourage students to learn. After school, Students have home works and many parents find difficulties in preventing their children from watching television. For example, my son had a math exam last Friday, and he lost focus as he wanted to watch a football game that was being broadcast-ed between Manchester united and Liverpool. Thus he was not able concentration on his exam. Finally, although watching television provides some amusements, it may hinder a person for practicing his or her hobbies. For example, many people like to play music or sports, or even read a book. Unfortunately, without knowing, a person feels drifted away from doing his favorite hobby. For example, my daughter plays the piano, and every time she sits to watch television, she refrain from practicing. Therefore, I strongly, discourage her from wasting her time. In Conclusion, Watching television may make people happy. However, it is a double-edge sword since it promotes unhealthy life style, and hinder people from practicing their favorite hobby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a blessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides amusements
Did you mean "to its fans"?
to it's fans
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a curse, wasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In my opinion, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks and it is better
Did you mean "to limit its usage"?
to limit it's usage
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is a main cause of obesity, distraction, and lack of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
exercise


First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
does not promote healthy life style.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
which causes them to eat more, drink more, and become lazy.
Eventually
, This sedentary life style would result and an increase in body weight. Obesity is a major cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases which include diabetes, hypertension, and heart diseases. The longer hours we spend watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, the more we are prone to such diseases.
Moreover
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the children sleep late.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
common
Possible spelling mistake found.
saying&quot
; sleep early and wake up early,
astonishingly
,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'you'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
you health
will
Possible spelling mistake found.
improve&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Moreover
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on vision.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience deterioration in vision after a standing long hours behind the television.

Secondly
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amusement, it is
also
a reason to postpone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of daily activities,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us procrastinate. Procrastination is the tendency to delay doing things that are a necessity.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions, I had to delay going to jog in order not to miss a program that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Exercising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for a person a health. Without exercise the brain, the body, and organs cannot function
properly
.
Therefore
, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a waist of time.

Thirdly
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
does not encourage students to learn. After school, Students have home works and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents find difficulties in preventing their children from watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
For example
, my son had a math exam last Friday, and he lost focus as he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a football game that was being broadcast-ed between
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Manchester united
and Liverpool.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
he was not able concentration on his exam.

Finally
, although watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amusements, it may hinder a person for practicing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
hobbies.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to play music or sports, or even read a book. Unfortunately, without knowing, a person feels drifted away from doing his favorite hobby.
For example
, my daughter plays the piano, and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
she sits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "refrains", "refrained".
refrain
from practicing.
Therefore
, I
strongly
, discourage her from wasting her time.

In Conclusion
, Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy.
However
, it is a double-edge sword since it promotes unhealthy life style, and hinder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from practicing their favorite hobby

IELTS essay television has positive effect on our society

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
434 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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