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Task 2: Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? (dated: May 4th, 2019)

Task 2: Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? (dated: May 4th, 2019) YQPj
Nowadays, children in contemporary society play more computer games than sports due to technology advanment and changes in lifestyle. In my perspective, it is a negative development that will bring long-term harm to the children and the society in the future. Children nowadays are raised by digital native parents who are very familiar with computer games. In fact, many of these parents make use of computer games to buy time away from their children. For example, some parents use video games as a reward their children behave well and when the kids are busy with the games, the parents can rest by themselves. Moreover, some parents tent to be overprotective. They would not allow their kids to play outside due to the fear of getting diseases, injuries or illness. There are always children who love sports, either indoor or outdoor, but some parents will not let them play. These parents are against the idea of their kids getting sick because it means they will have to take time off work and spend money to take the kids to the doctor. Overpopulation in megacities also play an important role in this trend. It causes shortages of space that results in children having little space to play sports. This development is negative in many ways. Firstly, there is a rapid increase in overweigh and obese children. The lack of physical activities lead to slow reflec, low stamina and metabolism. Secondly, spending too much time on digital devices takes away children’s time to play with the peers. The lack of social interactions causes lack of social awareness, incapability to communicate in person, and in severe cases it can lead to the lack of empathy. Last but not least, the virtual world can be very dangerous snce people hide behind their digital persona. There have been many reports of missing children, raped and murdered cases committed by people the victims made friends online. Therefore, it is vital to let children play active sport and educate them about all the negativity and positivity of the dogital world.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in contemporary society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
more computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than sports due to technology
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanment
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in lifestyle. In my perspective, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development that will bring long-term harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the society in the future.

Children nowadays
are raised
by digital native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
familiar with computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a reward their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behave well and when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are busy with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can rest by themselves.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tent to be overprotective. They would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside due to the fear of getting diseases, injuries or illness. There are always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
sports, either indoor or outdoor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
getting sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it means they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off work and spend money to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to the doctor. Overpopulation in
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacities
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in this trend. It causes shortages of space that results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
space to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
sports.

This development is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Firstly
, there is a rapid increase in
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
and obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of physical activities
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to slow
Possible spelling mistake found.
reflec
, low stamina and metabolism.
Secondly
, spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on digital devices takes away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with the peers. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of social interactions causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of social awareness, incapability to communicate in person, and in severe cases it can lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of empathy. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the virtual world can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
Possible spelling mistake found.
snce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
behind their digital persona. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reports of missing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, raped and murdered cases committed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the victims made friends online.
Therefore
, it is vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
active sport and educate them about all the negativity and positivity of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
dogital
world.
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IELTS essay Task 2: Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? (dated: May 4th, 2019)

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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