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Some people say that feeling of competition should be encourage in children. Others say they should be taught to become cooperative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that feeling of competition should be encourage in children. Others say they should be taught to become cooperative. 5EVV
Nowadays, children have to knowledge about ongoing competition in their life. Some people believe that sense of competition should be encourage in kids, whereas, others argue that they should be learn to grow as co-operative. This essay will discuss both sides and I, take my side on given statement. In current era, children should be having feeling of competition. To begin with, competition makes children more active person and intelligent. Also, they work hard in their studies and earn better results for complete with other children and find better jobs in future. Moreover, youngsters encourage themselves for acquire new skill and new technology system to give turf competition to their peers. For example, children should learn vocational courses and computer software in their vacation period. Additionally, parents and teachers encourage children to take part in academic and non-academic competitions so, they can realise how competitions are and how to take out from it. However, others think that children should be learning to helpful to other and work together. Firstly, teachers should teach to students about team management and their benefits, such as team work can save time and efficiency also save money and implement in school with give them cooperative works. To add, parents also should lead them by sharing their toys with other kids. That kind of work together skills impact on children’s mind and they would work with as a team in future with their job mates not as rival, also it helps their organization to reduce conflict between employees. In conclusion, I think that children should learn sense of competition because in cutthroat competition world, it is not good decision to become cooperative.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
knowledge about ongoing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
should be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourage
in kids, whereas, others argue that they should be
Consider using the past participle "learned", "learnt"?
learn
to grow as co-operative. This essay will discuss both sides and I, take my side on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be having feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more active person and intelligent.
Also
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in their studies and earn better results for complete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and find better jobs
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Moreover
, youngsters encourage themselves for acquire new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and new technology system to give turf
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
to their peers.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn vocational courses and computer software in their vacation period.
Additionally
, parents and teachers encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in academic and non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
are and how to take out from it.

However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be learning
Did you mean "too helpful to"?
to helpful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together.
Firstly
, teachers should teach to students about team management and their benefits, such as team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can save time and efficiency
also
save money and implement in school with give them cooperative works. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
, parents
also
should lead them by sharing their toys with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kids. That kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with as a team in future with their job mates not as rival,
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
their organization to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
conflict between employees.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in cutthroat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
world, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision to become cooperative.
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IELTS essay Some people say that feeling of competition should be encourage in children. Others say they should be taught to become cooperative.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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