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Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns?

Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns? Glp8x
In modern society most of people believe that a person can be called successful only by how much money one has. To my mind, there are some of other sign that define a person as a successful one. To begin with, People who achieve success always communicate with other persons, so you can be successful by helping others. In Addition, let's talk about Angelina Jolie. As we know she visited Cambodia, where provided humanitarian assistance to local residents. Furthermore, in 2001 she became a UN Goodwill ambassador. Moreover, she founded several charitable organizations among which the most famous is the Jolie-Peet Foundation, created in conjunction with Brad Peet. I consider, it is these actions that determine a person's success. Looking to people like her, you want to get better and be useful to others. Second, another way you can be success is by developing strong traits. Ones who nevertheless achieve your goals have certain personal characteristics. Additionally, a close friend of mine always wanted to work for a really large IT company, but was turned down during an interview. However, he didn't give up, but continued improve his skills, showing patience and purposefulness. Fortunately, a year later he was hired by this company. His example shows that there are times when success is determined by your dedication. In conclusion, success definately is not defined the amount of money you have, because as we have seen, there are other more significant things showing a successful person.
In modern society most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
be called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by how much money one has. To my mind, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
that define a
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person
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
one.

To
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begin
with,
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People
who achieve
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success
always communicate with
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other
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persons
,
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so
you can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
by helping others.
In Addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's talk about Angelina Jolie. As we know she visited Cambodia, where provided humanitarian assistance to local residents.
Furthermore
, in 2001 she became a UN Goodwill ambassador.
Moreover
, she founded several charitable organizations among which the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jolie-Peet
Foundation, created in conjunction with Brad
Possible spelling mistake found.
Peet
. I consider, it is these actions that determine a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Looking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like her, you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better and be useful to others.

Second, another way you can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is by developing strong traits. Ones who
nevertheless
achieve your goals have certain personal characteristics.
Additionally
, a close friend of mine always wanted to work for a
really
large IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was turned
down during an interview.
However
, he didn't give up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
continued
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, showing patience and purposefulness.
Fortunately
, a year later he
was hired
by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. His example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there are times when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is determined
by your dedication.

In conclusion
,
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success
Possible spelling mistake found.
definately
is not defined the amount of money you have,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more significant things showing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
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IELTS essay Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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