Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

t is often argued that children should spend more time on outdoor activities than on computer games. I agree with this opinion and I will defend my stand with valid arguments in this essay. To begin with, taking part in outdoor activities enhances children’s physical wellbeing. As a growing number of children follow a sedentary lifestyle, their health conditions are getting worse. However, if children can engage themselves in outdoor activities, they will spend less time in front of screens, which allow them to breath the fresh air and build up a strong immune system. For example, according to a survey conducted by Peking University, after the introduction of the daily outdoor activities to students, the youngsters’ obesity rate has decreased by 20% and fewer of them have vision disorder problem. Hence, it is obvious that being exposed to the fresh air and workout is crucial for children’s health. Furthermore, children can improve their interpersonal skills by joining in outdoor activities. This is to say, instead of playing videogames in front of screens, children have more chances to have face-to-face interactions with their peers when they spend time outdoors. Consequently, children are more likely to communicate with others confidently as well as establish empathy, which are crucial social skills in adult life. Meanwhile, many outdoor activities require teamwork, and this also prepares children for the workplace where they have to cooperate with one another. For instance, a psychological research shows that children who were interested in outdoor activities at an early age tend to grow up into extrovert individuals, with excellent social skills and promising careers. Therefore, it is important for children to spend enough time engaging with peers at outdoor activities. In conclusion, this essay discussed that engaging in outdoor activities can not only improve children’s physical fitness, but also cultivate their social skills. I highly recommend children to spend time with friends in outdoor activities rather than playing videogames.
t is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than on computer games. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and I will defend my stand with valid arguments in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
enhances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical wellbeing. As a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow a sedentary lifestyle, their health conditions are getting worse.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can engage themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of screens, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to breath the fresh air and build up a strong immune system.
For example
, according to a survey conducted by Peking University, after the introduction of the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to students, the youngsters’ obesity rate has decreased by 20% and fewer of them have vision disorder problem.
Hence
, it is obvious that
being exposed
to the fresh air and workout is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by joining in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This is to say,
instead
of playing videogames in front of screens,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more chances to have face-to-face interactions with their peers when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to communicate with others
confidently
as well
as establish empathy, which are crucial social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in adult life. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
require teamwork, and this
also
prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the workplace where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cooperate with one another.
For instance
, a psychological research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
were interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at an early age tend to grow up into extrovert individuals, with excellent social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and promising careers.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
engaging with peers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed that engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical fitness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
cultivate their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. I
highly
recommend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than playing videogames.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts