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Some people think that private schools have many advantages while others think there have many drawbacks for the community. Discuss both sides and give an opinion

Some people think that private schools have many advantages while others think there have many drawbacks for the community. Discuss both sides and give an opinion XG7XN
It is irrefutable to say that education is extremely important for all people these days and everyone want best knowledge to attain from school. while it is thought by a group of masses that private school brings many advantages, other hold opposing view and think that it have some drawbacks for community. i accord that it have both positive and negative effect, which will discuss in my further paragraphs. There are some benefits to attaining private education. first is teachers are well-educated there and they have the responsibility of every single student regarding study. Apart from this pupils learn best knowledge from private education Center, which will be make their further secure and choose their interest professions. In this way they would not be suffering in further life for finding Jobs.
It is irrefutable to say that education is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days and everyone
A determiner is probably missing here: "want the best".
want best
knowledge to attain from school.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by a group of masses that private school brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, other hold opposing view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks for community.
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
accord that it have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect, which will discuss in my
further
paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to attaining private education.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
is teachers are well-educated
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
there and
they have the responsibility of every single student regarding study. Apart from
Did you mean "these"?
this
pupils
A determiner is probably missing here: "learn the best".
learn best
knowledge from private education Center, which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
further
secure and choose their interest professions. In this way they would not be suffering in
further
life for finding Jobs.
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IELTS essay Some people think that private schools have many advantages while others think there have many drawbacks for the community. Discuss both sides and give an opinion

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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