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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 6
A lot of people suggest that parents hold the responsibility to teach their children on how to behave morally in our society. However, many others argue that teachers should be the ones who instruct children about these moral as they receive education from school. In my opinion, both places are equally important for children to develop proper behaviours and personalities. To support my position, this essay will discuss both ideas. On the one hand, it is obvious that children's personalities are always influenced by their families. From the moment they arrived in this world, parents are their first friends and teachers. Moreover, many experts state that children at a young age tend to mimic what they see in their daily lives, especially their parents because parents are likely to spend time with them the most. Therefore, parents should teach their children because this is the most effective way when it comes to teaching children to be good members of society. On the other hand, it is impossible for parents to be their models all the time. When children have reached a proper age, they go to school. This is the part of life that they spend more time with friends and teachers. Teachers should become their models instead of their parents. They should guide the children to behave properly, and prepare them to become good citizens in our society in the future. In conclusion, the parents must teach their children to behave appropriately because they have the biggest impact on children's lives at a very young age. After that, teachers have to continue teaching their students. This essay believes that they both have the same responsibility to teach children to live as a good citizens in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
hold the responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on how to behave
morally
in our society.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should be the ones who instruct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about these moral as they receive education from school. In my opinion, both places are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop proper
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and personalities. To support my position, this essay will discuss both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

On the one hand, it is obvious that children's personalities are always influenced by their families. From the moment they arrived in this world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are their
first
friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a young age tend to mimic what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
especially
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are likely to spend time with them the most.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the most effective way when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of society.

On the other hand
, it is impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be their models all the time. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have reached a proper age, they go to school. This is the part of life that they spend more time with friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
should become their models
instead
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They should guide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to behave
properly
, and prepare them to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens in our society in the future.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to behave
appropriately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the biggest impact on children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age. After that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
continue teaching their students. This essay believes that they both have the same responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "citizen"?
citizens
in society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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