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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.6

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 6
For a healthier community, every child should learn how to become a good member of it. Although some believe that parents are responsible for educating their children on this, Others believe it is the responsibility of the school. In this essay, we will discuss both the views and see why it is parents who are responsible for teaching their children on becoming a good member of the society. The school is part of the education system, So people consider all parts of a child’s learning needs to be undergone there. In general, children gain major part of the skills and knowledge in the school. Hence, this result in people believing that it should teach them how to be a good member of the society. For example, For 98% of the population, school is the only place where they learn all of the academic skills required for life. This leads some to believe that school should also teach how to be a good part of the society. On the other hand, Some believe that it is the responsibility of the parent to teach their children the social skills needs to be a good citizen. Although school is the place to learn, they believe it is meant only for academic learning. Furthermore, they believe social and life skills should be learned outside the education system mainly from their parent. Since they get the opportunity to interact with the society outside the school. Furthermore, children get exposed to the society only when they are with their parents. For example, when attending a social event or when interacting with the community during the weekend events or community meeting. Therefore, It is only parents who could teach them to be a good community member. In conclusion, Even though the school provides most of the academic learning, it is entirely the parents responsibility to teach their children how to be a good member of the community. In future school should also access the children on their contribution to the society.
For a healthier
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community
, every child should learn how to become a
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good
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member
of it. Although
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some
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believe
that
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parents
are responsible for educating their
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children
on this, Others
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believe
it is the responsibility of the
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school
. In this essay, we will discuss both the views and
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see
why it is
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parents
who are responsible for teaching their
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children
on becoming a
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good
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member
of the society.

The
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school
is
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part
of the education system,
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So
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people
consider all
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parts
of a child’s learning needs to be undergone there.
In general
,
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children
gain major
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part
of the
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skills
and knowledge in the
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school
.
Hence
, this result in
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people
believing that it should
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teach
them how to be a
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good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
of the
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society
.
For example
, For 98% of the population,
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school
is the
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only
place where they learn
Consider using "all the".
all of the
academic
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skills
required for life. This leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to
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believe
that
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school
should
also
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teach
how to be a
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good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the society.

On the other hand
,
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Some
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believe
that it is the responsibility of the
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parent
to
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teach
their
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children
the social
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skills
needs to be a
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good
citizen. Although
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school
is the place to learn, they
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believe
it
is meant
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only
for academic learning.
Furthermore
, they
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believe
social and life
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skills
should
be learned
outside the education system
mainly
from their
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parent
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to interact with the
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society
outside the
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school
.
Furthermore
,
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when they are with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, when attending a social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
or when interacting with the
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community
during the weekend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or
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community
meeting.
Therefore
, It is
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only
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parents
who could
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teach
them to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
member.

In conclusion
,
Even though
the
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school
provides most of the academic learning, it is
entirely
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "parents'" or "parent's"?
parents
responsibility to
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teach
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. In future
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school
should
also
access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on their contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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