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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v.49

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 49
In ancient societies, all children did not have access to education and in some parents did not teach to their children how to act. They wanted them to grow up as fast as possible to leave the family nest and go to work to bring money at home. In this period, education was not the core of people interest. In our modern society, education has become one of the most important tools in countries development. Nowadays, this is not surprising to see a government spend millions of dollars in its educational programs such as creating schools or bringing technological materials. But today, one main question stays on hold. Is it school’s role to teach children how to be good members of society or it is parents role? First, we will focus on this question and conclude with my own opinion. First of all, we all know that a child spends his/her first three years at home with the family before to enter school. For these three years, the child is already able to learn many things such as language and how to act in a good way. From this moment parents have to teach him how to start speaking and acting in an appropriate way.   As a result, once at school, he will know using a good vocabulary and for example, that hitting others classmates is not a good thing to do. Also, once entered at school parents have to continue to teach their child what are the good manners to adopt. For example, if the teachers do not stop to repeat those bad words are banned and absolutely not nice to use and that once gets home, the children hear many of them from his/her parents. He will be completely lost and do not understand what is wrong and what is not. The school has been instituted to teach children how to grow up in a good way, develop their inspirations and start living in a community with other students. To conclude, I agree that school possesses an important role in children integration. A child is going to reproduce, mimic and repeat his parents' behaviour first. Sometimes he is even going to choose of his parents as models. Which little girl has never fallen in love with her father and tries to mimic him? I truly believe that school and family have to work together to allow to the child to get the best education.
In ancient societies, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
did not have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to act. They wanted them to grow up as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the family nest and go to work to bring money at home. In this period,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was not the core of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interest.

In our modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has become one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tools in countries development. Nowadays, this is not surprising to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spend millions of dollars in its educational programs such as creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or bringing technological materials.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, one main question stays on hold. Is it
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "schools"?
school’s
role to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of society or it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
role?

First
, we will focus on this question and conclude with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we all know that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
spends his/her
first
three years at home with the family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. For these three years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is already able to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as language and how to act in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way. From this moment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
him how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
speaking and acting
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
As a result
, once at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, he will know using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
vocabulary and
for example
, that hitting others classmates is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing to do.
Also
, once entered at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
what are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners to adopt.
For example
, if the teachers do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to repeat those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
words
are banned
and
absolutely
not nice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and that once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
home, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
hear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them from his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. He will be completely lost and do not understand what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and what is not. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
been instituted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to grow up in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way, develop their inspirations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living in a community with other students.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
possesses an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
integration. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is going to reproduce, mimic and repeat his parents'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
first
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
he is even going to choose of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as models. Which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girl has never fallen in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with her father and tries to mimic him? I
truly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 49

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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