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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v.36

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 36
Some people prefer that mothers and fathers should educate children on how to be a socially important people, while others consider that the academy should facilitate this. I think that faculty plays a more essential role than parents in that aspect because children spend a range of time in this place. Since ancient times, parents are considered to be a teacher for their children. Because, children live with their parents until they will be adults, take pieces of advice from them, learn from them. Parents have an impact on their children that can help them grow up happy and to be able to deal with difficult situations in the future. For instance, recent searches have shown that if children are rigorously controlled by their parents, the probability that they will not smoke, drink alcohol or do something bad will be less more than thirty percent. However, these activities may not be enough for parents in the children's formulation to be good human of society. On the other hand, children not limited to sitting home and they go to school to get an education. As mentioned in the essay, children spend more time in department and that is why, the institute has a significant influence on their pupils. Children meet their classmates and teachers in an institution, interact with them to find a common language. As a result, communicating with peers and respecting teachers would be important components in becoming a sociable individual. In conclusion, if many people assume that parents should assist their children to become good citizens of society, while schools are offering to participate in this activity by other ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer that mothers and fathers should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on how to be a
socially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, while others consider that the academy should facilitate this. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that faculty plays a more essential role than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in that aspect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a range of time in this place.

Since ancient times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are considered
to be a teacher for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
until they will be adults, take pieces of advice from them, learn from them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have an impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow up happy and to be able to deal with difficult situations in the future.
For instance
, recent searches have shown that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
rigorously
controlled by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the probability that they will not smoke, drink alcohol or do something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
will be
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less much"?
less more
than thirty percent.
However
, these activities may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the children's formulation to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human of society.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not limited to sitting
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they go to school to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education. As mentioned in the essay,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time in department and
that is
why, the institute has a significant influence on their pupils.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their classmates and teachers in an institution, interact with them to find a common language.
As a result
, communicating with peers and respecting teachers would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
components in becoming a sociable individual.

In conclusion
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should assist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens of society, while schools are offering to participate in this activity by other ones.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 36

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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