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some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.19

some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 19
Celebrities’ life is closely monitored by millions of people all around. However, some argue that they should behave in a particular manner in society as they have been admired by a huge number of followers. There remains some disagreement. In my opinion, they are just like anyone else and allowed them to live as they like. On the one hand, it is an indisputable fact that, celebrities are required to demonstrate good characters and morals in public places because they have enormous influence on teenagers. Apart from this, younger generations can learn that they can be successful and very good person at the same time. For instance, a recent study that reported when young people have someone to look up to, this gives them hope, motivation, and compassion to work hard to attain their dreams in their life. Yet, the other side of the believe is that, celebrities, who have their own personal life and they need to be given freedom to live their life irrespective of their popularity. This means that they are just like any other human being, they may have some moral shortcomings and often make wrong choices in their life. Being a well known personality in the society, it does not mean they behave to please others. Another point is that these people never ask others to either follow or admire them and some of them work only for money and publicity. By way of conclusion, people have different opinion whether famous people hold moral values in front of public or not. I, again reaffirm that every person can be allowed to enjoy life as they intended to, there should not be any force on them to look perfect.
Celebrities’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
closely
monitored by millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that they should behave in a particular manner in society as they have
been admired
by a huge number of followers. There remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreement. In my opinion, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like anyone else and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as they like.

On the one hand, it is an indisputable fact that, celebrities
are required
to demonstrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
characters and morals in public places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have enormous influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Apart from this, younger generations can learn that they can be successful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person at the same time.
For instance
, a recent study that reported when young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have someone to look up to, this gives them hope, motivation, and compassion to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to attain their dreams in their life.

Yet
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
is that, celebrities, who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
irrespective of their popularity. This means that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
human being, they may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moral shortcomings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Being a well known personality in the society, it does not mean they behave to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
others. Another point is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never ask others to either follow or admire them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for money and publicity.

By way of conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion whether
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold moral values in front of public or not. I, again reaffirm that every person can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as they intended to, there should not be any force on them to look perfect.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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