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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Other, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give own opinion. v.2

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Other, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 2
Many people believe that kids should teach becoming useful people in society by their parents, while other people think that the educated institution is more suitable to teach children. In my opinion, I agree with the second statement that the school is a better place to help young children to be good people. On the one hand, the school where children go to be educated with a lot of benefit, due to some reasons. Firstly, instituted education provides the wealth of knowledge and modern facilities for children’ development. For instance, education offer children opportunity to learn another language; therefore, children can improve amazing information in the world. Secondly, educated environment teaches children about how to work with other people. Furthermore, teamwork improves communication skill of children. To illustrate, working together require interaction between people; consequently, kids have to listen and cooperate each other. On the other hand, parents are an essential factor to build nice kids, because of several causes. To begin with, family plays a vital role in growing children. Obviously, there is a close bond between children and parents; thus, children obey usually parents. For instance, under parental supervision, young children will have normal behaviours. Finally, the parents are the role model of children, so parents have a considerable influence to the kids. For example, parents encourage children to share toys and clothes with poor friends when they were little kids. In conclusion, many agree that the educated institution is a better place to teach children because it provides a great deal of knowledge and opportunity to work with other people, while parents teach children good behaviours with people. In my opinion, the school is the perfect place that kids become better member of society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
becoming useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
institution is more suitable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second statement that the school is a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, the school where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefit, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, instituted education provides the wealth of knowledge and modern facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’
development.
For instance
, education offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
opportunity to learn another language;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
amazing information in the world.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about how to work with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To illustrate, working together require interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
listen and cooperate each other.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are an essential factor to build nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several causes. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, family plays a vital role in growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Obviously
, there is a close bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
;
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obey
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, under parental supervision, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have normal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the role model of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a considerable influence to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to share toys and clothes with poor friends when they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
kids.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
institution is a better place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides a great deal of knowledge and opportunity to work with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, the school is the perfect place that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become better member of society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Other, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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