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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Modern day children has their ways of doing recreational activities. It is in contrast whether playing outside has more benefits than playing computer games at home. It is important for children to have social interactions with their playmates by doing outdoor activities. This will boost their self-esteem, physical, mental and most importantly their social development. Activities like swimming, playing games such as basketball and even just simply running outside will enhance the child's development while enjoying such activities. Moreover, being physically active will gives them to chance of investing to their health due to the fact that this will boost their immunity and blood circulation. Parents doesn't want their children to be ill that is why they preferred to send them outside their house and interact with others. It will cause a great opportunity to meet and socialized with their perks. On the contrary, I think children who preferred to stay at home indulging to some computer games will also enhance their mental development. Nowadays, technology has been a great support for our children to improved their critical and cognitive thinking. It develops their capacity to learn methods on how to playing online with other kids. However, without proper guidance of their parent, this could be crucial as it may lead to overused of gadgets thus can have a bad effect on their health. In conclusion, I definitely agree that children who is used to do a plethora of outdoor fun has higher chances of improving and building ones development rather than a homebody playing online games.
Modern day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has their ways of doing recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is
in contrast
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outside has more benefits than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at home.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have social interactions with their playmates by doing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This will boost their self-esteem, physical, mental and most
importantly
their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Activities
like swimming,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as basketball and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
running outside will enhance the child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
while enjoying such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Moreover
, being
physically
active will gives them to chance of investing to their health due to the fact that this will boost their immunity and blood circulation.
Possible agreement error.
Parents doesn
't want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be ill
that is
why they preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them outside their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and interact with others. It will cause a great opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and socialized with their perks.

On the contrary
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who preferred to stay at home indulging to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will
also
enhance their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Nowadays, technology has been a great support for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their critical and cognitive thinking. It develops their capacity to learn methods on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
online with other kids.
However
, without proper guidance of their parent, this could be crucial as it may lead to overused of gadgets
thus
can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on their health.

In conclusion
, I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
Did you mean “are”? Alternatively, check whether the singular of ‘children’ should be used.
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do a plethora of outdoor fun has higher chances of improving and building ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
rather
than a homebody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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