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Some people think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities than to play videogames. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities than to play videogames. lN0D
These days, most children just sit in front of their gadget playing games. A group of people believe that this is not good because kids should go outside and do some action. I personally agree with this statement. The main reason why I agree is because there are a lot of children that are found unhealthy. It is because they just stay at their room playing video games and rarely move. This lifestyle can cause disease such as obesity. If they go outside and do some physical activity, it can help them to develop their physical strength. Besides that, playing too much video games can make their eyes hurt. In recent times, most of children have already worn glasses, they even wear very thick glasses. In this case, kids should reduce their time on playing video games. Socialising is another reason why children should have outdoor activities. A lot of kids nowadays are individualism and do not have ability to talk with other people. It is because they are used to play themselves and feel like they do not need other people. Actually, it is really bad, because when they are growing up, friends are needed, so they have a person to talk to. Other than that, every people need skill to talk and if they did not train it from childhood, it will be very hard in the future. To conclude, in my opinion, I personally agree because playing outside can give more benefits than just play video games alone at your room.
These days, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit in front of their gadget
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
kids should go outside and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

The main reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
are found
unhealthy. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay at their room
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. This lifestyle can cause disease such as obesity. If they go outside and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activity, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop their physical strength.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their eyes hurt. In recent times, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have already worn glasses, they even wear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
thick glasses.
In this case
, kids should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Socialising' is British English.
Socialising
is another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have outdoor activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
kids nowadays are individualism and do not have ability to talk with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to playing".
used to play
themselves and feel like they do not need other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Actually, it is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they are growing up, friends
are needed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have a person to talk to. Other than that, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to talk and if they did not train it from childhood, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in the future.

To conclude
, in my opinion, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outside can give more benefits than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
alone at your room.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities than to play videogames.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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