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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent e5eqx
Nowadays, some people believe that the modernization has contributed to increased dependence among people, whereas others think that the main purpose of evolution is to become more independent. This essay will discuss both the opposing sides including my personal opinion on given topic. Due to globalization, a term which describes how interpersonal relations have been intensified through the past decades, several people have the right to think that mankind has become more dependent on each other. People seem to be more connected than before because of the changes in various aspects of everyday life such as work, babysitting, nutrition etc. For instance, we rely on farmers to provide us with basic groceries. Aditionally, we rely on babysitters to take care of our children and schools to educate them and prepare children for life in the adult world. Dependence is noticed especially in people’s interactions in work area since the jobs are now more specialised and the team work is needed. Knowing this, we can easily conclude that, in a way, we are more dependent than before. However, there is also a second opinion regarding level of dependence in modern world. Throughout history, people have fought for independence through revolutions to gain basic civil rights and freedom of speech. Thanks to our ancestors, we have democracy and more rights than we had before. At the age of eighteen, children are legally independent and they can choose what they want to do with their life regarding education, desired jobs, hobbies etc. To illustrate, we are able to decide in which school we want to go, which courses we want to attend, what we want to do with our free time and we have freedom to choose our life partners whether they are males or females. Similarly, we are less dependent on our parents and extended family. In conclusion, there are opposite views regarding this topic and both have strong arguments on their sides. No matter which side we choose, we can never tell which opinion is “right” because it would turn into never-ending argument. In my personal opinion, we are more independent since we have power to do what we want with our own life.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the modernization has contributed to increased dependence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the main purpose of evolution is to become more independent. This essay will discuss both the opposing sides including my personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topic.

Due to globalization, a term which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
how interpersonal relations have
been intensified
through the past decades, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mankind has become more dependent on each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
seem to be more connected than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in various aspects of everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such as work, babysitting, nutrition etc.
For instance
, we rely on farmers to provide us with basic groceries.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aditionally
, we rely on babysitters to take care of our children and schools to educate them and prepare children for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the adult world. Dependence
is noticed
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interactions in work area since the jobs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
and the team work
is needed
. Knowing this, we can
easily
conclude that, in a way, we are more dependent than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

However
, there is
also
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
regarding level of dependence in modern world. Throughout history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have fought for independence through revolutions to gain basic civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
and freedom of speech. Thanks to our ancestors, we have democracy and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
than we had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. At the age of eighteen, children are
legally
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independent and
they can choose what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
regarding education, desired jobs, hobbies etc. To illustrate, we are able to decide in which school we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to go, which courses we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to attend, what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do with our free
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
we have freedom to choose our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
partners whether they are males or females.
Similarly
, we are less dependent on our parents and extended family.

In conclusion
, there are opposite views regarding this topic and both have strong arguments on their sides. No matter which side we choose, we can never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“right”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would turn into never-ending argument. In my personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, we are more independent since we have power to do what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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