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In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married .Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that mariage can bring .To what extent do you agree.

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that mariage can bring. PVgAw
In this modern era, women managed to earn the highest degrees and climb the ladder of the greatest companies. Despite the gender pay gap that remains a challenging concern in most societies, more and more women today earn their personal money. This financial independence led many young ladies to delay mariage or even not marry at all. Istrongly agree with this point of view as I believe that being economically independent allowed women to fight social pressures and break all the the stereotypes which stipulate that a women core role is to be wife and a mother, in addition financial security encouraged women to pursue their greatest dreams without needing a man financial backup. In traditional societies, the institution of mariage represented women's only path for financial security, whereas, nowadays, women are increasingly educated and compete continously with men in the workplace. In other words, women are currently able to maintain a stable financial life. Clearly, economic independence allows women to take control of their own faith and by consequence becoming the only actor of their life's decision. As a result women managed to break all social standards which state that a woman of a certain age has to get married and procreate before her biological clock runs out of time. Just take the example of many 30-year doctors, who, because they are able to satisfy their financial needs, chose to pursue their long academic pathway instead of marrying. Therefore, while there is no question about the value of emotional stability that mariage could bring to a women's life, many stadies have shown that single women tend to healthier, less depressed and living longer thar married ones. In addition, financial independence and education made it possible for women, to embrace freedom and enjoy greater personal autonomy, thing that allow them to persue thein own ambitions as they earn enough to afford making their farest dreams come true. For example, lot of young women have their own houses, ride their own cars. Consequently, with all the responsabilities and the stress that marriage bring, being married is no longer an attractive option. To sum up, in the last decade, women have gained more opportunities outside marriage essentially financial independence that made young women leaving marriage behind, as they are now able to affirm their personal choices and satisfy their financial needs without needing a man in their side.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
managed to earn the highest degrees and climb the ladder of the greatest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Despite the gender pay gap that remains a challenging concern in most societies, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
earn their personal money. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young ladies to delay
Possible spelling mistake found.
mariage
or even not marry at all.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Istrongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view as I believe that being
economically
independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to fight social pressures and break all
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
stereotypes which stipulate that a
'woman' is the singular form of 'women'. Consider using "woman".
women
core role is to be wife and a mother,
in addition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
security encouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to pursue their greatest dreams without needing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
backup.

In traditional societies, the institution of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mariage
represented women's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
path for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
security, whereas, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
increasingly
educated and compete
Possible spelling mistake found.
continously
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in the workplace.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
currently
able to maintain a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
life.
Clearly
, economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to take control of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
faith and by consequence becoming the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
actor of their life's decision.
As a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
managed to break all social standards which state that a woman of a certain age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and procreate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
her biological clock runs out of time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
take the example of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
30-year doctors, who,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are able to satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
needs, chose to pursue their long academic pathway
instead
of marrying.
Therefore
, while there is no question about the value of emotional stability that
Possible spelling mistake found.
mariage
could bring to a women's life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
stadies
have shown that single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to healthier, less depressed and living longer
Possible spelling mistake found.
thar
married ones.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
and education made it possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, to embrace freedom and enjoy greater personal autonomy, thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
persue
Possible spelling mistake found.
thein
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ambitions as they earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to afford
If 'afford' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to make".
making
their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "farthest", the superlative form of the adjective 'far'?
farest
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.
For example
,
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, ride their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars.
Consequently
, with all the
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsabilities
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that marriage bring,
being married
is no longer an attractive option.

To sum up, in the last decade,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have gained more opportunities outside marriage
essentially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
that made young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
leaving marriage behind, as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to affirm their personal choices and satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
needs without needing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in their side.
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IELTS essay In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that mariage can bring.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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