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Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.6

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 6
Some people considered that the utilization of money on the arts is not beneficial and it is better to direct money to some other fields. In my opinion, while the arts should be funded, as it is crucial in terms of a nation’s culture and economy, public services is also vital for a country’s development and environment. Admittedly, spending money on the arts such as museums and theatre is important for several reasons. To begin with, the art is critical for the survival and identity of one’s culture. People used to learn and study about their ancestors and the past traditions by going to the old traditional places, which reminds them how their ancestors used to live and spend life. Another benefit is the boost to the tourism industry the art provides. People from the countries would come to see the historical building and art galleries if they are maintained by the government through funding. For example, a city called “Bali” in the Indonesia has recently gained highest tourists influx, owing to its old buildings and extra-ordinary museums and art galleries. Therefore, different types of arts should be funded by the states because of the cultural identity and economic growth of a country. On the other hand, utilizing money on public services such as the health, education and transportation is equally important. This is because better medical facilities and providing learning opportunities means less number of diseases and more percentage of literate population, which be beneficial for a country’s progress and prosperity, as the modern world demands healthy and educated numbers of people. Similarly, funding money for the improvement of public transport is of paramount importance. Spending money on public transport would diminishes the use of private vehicles, which would decrease the air pollution caused by the excessive number of personal vehicles usage. Thus, public services should be given equal importance and fund, owing to its effects on the development and environment of a country. In conclusion, some people are of the opinion that providing money to the arts by the government is unimportant and it is better to utilize it in other areas. In my view, although, the arts should be properly funded, owing to its cultural values and economic growth, the public services should be budgeted equally because of its outcomes on a country’s growth and better environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considered that the utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not beneficial and it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other fields. In my opinion, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be funded
, as it is crucial in terms of a nation’s culture and economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is
also
vital for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development and environment.

Admittedly
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as museums and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for several reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is critical for the survival and identity of one’s culture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to learn and study about their ancestors and the past traditions by going to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditional places, which reminds them how their ancestors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and spend life. Another benefit is the boost to the tourism industry the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
provides.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the historical building and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries if they
are maintained
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
through funding.
For example
, a city called “Bali” in the Indonesia has recently gained
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "tourists'" or "tourist's"?
tourists
influx, owing to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
buildings and extra-ordinary museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be funded
by the states
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the cultural identity and economic growth of a country.

On the other hand
, utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
such as the health, education and transportation is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
medical facilities and providing learning opportunities means less number of diseases and more percentage of literate population, which be beneficial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
progress and prosperity, as the modern world demands healthy and educated numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Similarly
, funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport is of paramount importance. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "diminish"
diminishes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private vehicles, which would decrease the air pollution caused by the excessive number of personal
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "vehicles'" or "vehicle's"?
vehicles
usage.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal importance and fund, owing to its effects on the development and environment of a country.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is unimportant and it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to utilize it in other areas. In my view, although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be
properly
funded, owing to its cultural values and economic growth, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should
be budgeted
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its outcomes on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
environment.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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