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Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money could be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.1

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 1
Art is a form of human creativity. However, some citizens believe that national spending on the arts is unnecessary and the budget for it should be allocated for other sectors. This essay will explain why I believe it is not true and deliver some supporting facts and opinions related to it. First, focusing on the arts is not wasting money. A unique form of arts in a country attracts tourists, which means it can increase the national income. It has also become an identity for a nation, for instance, Chiang May with its temples and Bali with its traditional dancing. Second, spending the money elsewhere does not mean that the ministry should ignore art, as long as there is a balance allocation for other segments, namely, education, sports, infrastructure, or anything else. I am certain that if a country only focus on one sector and ignore the others, it cannot become a well-developed nation. Although developing creative sectors is not as urgent as maintaining the infrastructure, its existence is necessary to enhance the level of tourist awareness to visit that place. It means, the government’s spending on art is a form of investment for supporting some potential places that not only be able to increase national revenue, but also allow people around to make a living from its impact in that district. To sum up, although some people think that money allocated for the creative development in a country is unimportant, in contrary, I personally believe that it is wrong in some cases. Making a proper spending between arts and other sectors is important.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is a form of human creativity.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens believe that national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is unnecessary and the budget for it should
be allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I believe it is not true and deliver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supporting facts and opinions related to it.

First
, focusing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not wasting money. A unique form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in a country attracts tourists, which means it can increase the national income. It has
also
become an identity for a nation,
for instance
, Chiang May with its temples and Bali with its traditional dancing. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
the money elsewhere does not mean that the ministry should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, as long as there is a balance allocation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
segments,
namely
, education, sports, infrastructure, or anything else. I am certain that if a country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the others, it cannot become a well-developed nation. Although developing creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
is not as urgent as maintaining the infrastructure, its existence is necessary to enhance the level of tourist awareness to visit that place. It means, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a form of investment for supporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential places that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be able to increase national revenue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living from its impact in that district.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that money allocated for the creative development in a country is unimportant, in contrary, I
personally
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases. Making a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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