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Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life, discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals are of the opinion that family life and parents have the most significant role in a child’s development  whereas others opine that friends and other environmental factors such as TV have a more important role. We must analyze both opinions Parents have direct interactions with the children. They provide a sense of identification to the child. These have their greatest effect on intellectual development and character.  They also play a very important role in the socializing process of the child. Right from the bed time stories to the behavioural habits parents play a very important role in making a child a responsible person. They know their child’s temperament better than anyone else.  They can provide critical opinion better than anyone else. That is why it is believed by some that parents have the strongest role in a child’s development. Friends, on the other hand, are important in order to help children grow emotionally and socially. Children find out who they are by comparing themselves to others. They learn about attitude, character and personality. Building good relations is a child’s self esteem and they find comfort in those friendships when things get tough such as losing a pet or facing family problems. Therefore, friendships are essential to assure children develop a healthy psyche. When kids are surrounded by friends or have one close friend, they feel a sense of well being and experience fewer social problems. In my opinion, we cannot generalize as to what has more significance. In the early years family generally has more impact but in adolescence external factors may impact more. It appears that the power of the peer group becomes more important when the family relationships are not close or supportive. In conclusion, I pen down saying that behavior is affected by a complex interaction of many different factors such as parents, peers and environment. All these are linked in the development of children. There is individual variation and therefore it is difficult to generalize which factor plays the most significant role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals are of the opinion that family life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
development
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
whereas others opine that friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as TV have a more 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
analyze both
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
opinions


Parents have direct interactions with the children. They provide a sense of identification to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. These have their greatest effect on intellectual development and character.  They
also
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the socializing process of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Right from the 
This word is normally spelled as one.
bed time
stories to the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behavioural’ is British English.
behavioural
habits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
a responsible person. They know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
temperament better than anyone else.  They can provide critical opinion better than anyone else.
That is
why it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
 that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the strongest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
development.

Friends, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
 children grow
emotionally
and 
socially
. Children find out who they are by comparing themselves to others. They learn about attitude, character and personality. Building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self esteem
and they find comfort in those friendships when things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tough such as losing a pet or facing family problems.
Therefore
, friendships are essential to assure children develop a healthy psyche. When kids
are surrounded
by friends or have one close friend, they feel a sense of
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
well being
and experience fewer social problems.

In my opinion, we cannot generalize as to what has more significance. In the early
An apostrophe may be missing.
years
 family
generally
has more impact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in adolescence external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
may impact more. It appears that the power of the peer group becomes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
when the family relationships are not close or supportive.

In conclusion
, I pen down saying that behavior is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by a complex interaction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, peers and environment. All these
are linked
in the development of children. There is individual variation and
therefore
it is difficult to generalize which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
plays the most significant
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
role
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IELTS essay Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life,

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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