Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. KpyR
People have different views about whether children should be taught to be Competitive or Cooperative. While a spirit of Competition Can be useful in life. I believe that ability to Cooperate is more important On the other hand, Competition Can be a great source of motivation for children. For instance, when the teacher uses game or prizes to introduce an element of competitiveness into the lesson, this Could encourage children to work harder to outdo the other student in the Class. This kind of health activity may help to build children’s self-confidence while pushing them to work independently and to achieve more efficiently. When the individual completes their school education their confidence and determination will help them in a competitive situation such as a job interview. Similarly, it can therefore be argued that Competition should be encouraged to prepare children for adult life. People who support cooperation believe that the sense of competition puts unnecessary pressure on children; therefore, a relaxed environment where students can learn and cooperate should be provided to them. I disagree with this thinking because children must cope with the pressure to compete during their childhood itself. Moreover, it is often observed that children with difficult childhood perform better in practical life than other children. The reason is that difficulties faced at a younger age make them well prepared for the challenges of adulthood. In conclusion, although the sense of competition can make childhood more stressful, it increases the probability of success in practical life. Therefore, children should be encouraged to compete with each other at an early stage of life, as it will help them to become stronger and better human beings.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
to be Competitive or Cooperative.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
a spirit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competition
Can be useful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I believe that ability to Cooperate is more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
important


On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competition
Can be a great source of motivation for children.

For instance
, when the teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
game or prizes to introduce an element of competitiveness into the lesson, this Could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work harder to outdo the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
student in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Class
. This kind of health activity may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
self-confidence while pushing them to work
independently
and to achieve more
efficiently
. When the individual completes their school education their confidence and determination will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in a competitive situation such as a job interview.
Similarly
, it can
therefore
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competition
should
be encouraged
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for adult life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who support cooperation believe that the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
puts unnecessary pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
therefore
, a relaxed environment where students can learn and cooperate should
be provided
to them. I disagree with this thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
cope with the pressure to compete during their childhood itself.

Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with difficult childhood perform better in practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The reason is that difficulties faced at a younger age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
for the challenges of adulthood.

In conclusion
, although the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
childhood more stressful, it increases the probability of success in practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to compete with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
at an early stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become stronger and better human beings.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.