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Some people suggest that schools should pay more attention to academic subjects for children because these subjects are useful for their future career. They think that subjects like music and sport are not useful and should be reduced. What is your opinion?

Some people suggest that schools should pay more attention to academic subjects for children because these subjects are useful for their future career. They think that subjects like music and sport are not useful and should be reduced. What is your opinion? e5Ly7
Nowadays, many people believed that schools should strengthen their role in orienting a good future career for students by concentrating on educating academic subjects and eliminate such excessive subjects like music and sport. I agreed that academic subjects are necessary for future jobs, but the minor subjects are crucial too. Academic subjects can support students a lot in choosing their career by providing them knowledge and skills of different field. Studying subjects such as math, science or literature, children will have chances to find out what are their strengths and interests. Therefore, they can easily choose their jobs. Furthermore, it is undeniable that in today's world, no matter of what type of profession that we choose to dive in, it is rooted from studying academic subjects in school and that students are bound to study those subjects in order to prepare them for work life. For instance, if someone wants to become a journalist, he or she has to study literature. Subjects like art, music or sport are not useful unless they want to become a singer, artist or a sport star. However, the importance of academic subjects can't deny the fact that subjects like music and sport are also instrumental in developing student's future. As noted above, if students want to become an artist or an athlete, music and sport will now become the major subjects that they need to focus on. Moreover, even if their jobs not related to the arts, such subjects like music and sport or fine art still essential in children's life as these are ways for students to relax and entertain after exhausting hours of studying major subjects. Different from those academic subjects, the student are free to show their creativity and ideas through paintings or songs, or allow themselves to play their favourite sport without thinking anything. In conclusion, it can't be denied that academic subjects are momentous, but we also have to admit that non-academic subjects like music and sport still have their function in creating a better future for children.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that schools should strengthen their role in orienting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
career for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by concentrating on educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and eliminate such excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are crucial too.

Academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a lot in choosing their career by providing them knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
field. Studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as math, science or literature, children will have chances to find out what are their strengths and interests.
Therefore
, they can
easily
choose their jobs.
Furthermore
, it is undeniable that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, no matter of what type of profession that we choose to dive in, it
is rooted
from studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in school and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are bound
to study those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in order to prepare them for work life.
For instance
, if someone wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a journalist, he or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
study literature.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subjects
like art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are not useful unless they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a singer, artist or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
star.

However
, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can't deny the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are
also
instrumental in developing student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. As noted above, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an artist or an athlete,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they need to focus on.
Moreover
, even if their jobs not related to the arts, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or fine art
still
essential in children's life as these are ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to relax and entertain after exhausting hours of studying major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
are free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
through paintings or songs, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
themselves to play their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
without thinking anything.

In conclusion
, it can't
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are momentous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
still
have their function in creating a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for children.
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IELTS essay Some people suggest that schools should pay more attention to academic subjects for children because these subjects are useful for their future career. They think that subjects like music and sport are not useful and should be reduced. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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