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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT WE SHOULD LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF VIOLENCE IN MOVIES AND TV PROGRAMMES. HOWEVER, OTHERS BELIEVE THAT VIOLENT CONTENT CAN BRING SOME POSITIVE EFFECTS. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION. v.2

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT WE SHOULD LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF VIOLENCE IN MOVIES AND TV PROGRAMMES. HOWEVER, OTHERS BELIEVE THAT VIOLENT CONTENT CAN BRING SOME POSITIVE EFFECTS. v. 2
In the modern society, the need of citizens to enjoy action movies and TV programs has increased significantly in the recent years. Some people advocate these categories of movies should be invested more heavily in order to meet the expectation of viewers, while the others blame movies with too much violence for causing several consequences. In my opinion, movies containing violent contents should be encouraged to develop on grounds of the ensuing reasons. To begin with, violence in movies and TV programs, in reality, does bring some startling advantages on different aspects. By watching these contents on TV or computers, watchers can have their near unremitting pressure at work relieved thanks to the enthralling scenes that have been sophisticatingly designed, thereby ultimately increasing the productivity. Besides, in some countries, documentary movies can inevitably contain violent scenes, but it will truly reflect the impact on the precedents, thus helping us understand the toughness in the fight against the enemies and respect the liberty which we inherit nowadays. Furthermore, with the enormous support towards the wide coverage on TV, the producers of these fierce-scene films can stand a chance of become a household name and have more motivation to create movies with unparalleled qualities to live up to the incessantly growing watchers’ demand. It would be an exaggeration to claim that watching the films which involve an excessive number of violence scenes does not bring any demerits. The extravagant preoccupation with these types of film of some children may lead to the increase in potential juvenile delinquency. Nevertheless, if children have the sufficient parental supervision, the seriousness of this problems can be reduced obviously. In addition, a lot of people watching too much violent contents are reported to have engaged in quarrels since they merely want to imitate the actions implemented in the movies. However, this phenomenon can be averted by creating more rigorous rules and set watching time limits. In conclusion, it is evident that the violent contents in films has both benefits and downside. When all of the aforementioned issues are tackled, violent movies will pose no threat to our society.
In the modern society, the need of citizens to enjoy action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV programs has increased
significantly
in the recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate these categories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should
be invested
more
heavily
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the expectation of viewers, while the others blame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with too much violence for causing several consequences. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
containing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents should
be encouraged
to develop on grounds of the ensuing reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, violence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV programs, in reality, does bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
startling advantages on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects. By watching these contents on TV or computers, watchers can have their near unremitting pressure at work relieved thanks to the enthralling scenes that have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
sophisticatingly
designed, thereby
ultimately
increasing the productivity.
Besides
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, documentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can
inevitably
contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
truly
reflect the impact on the precedents,
thus
helping us understand the toughness in the fight against the enemies and respect the liberty which we inherit nowadays.
Furthermore
, with the enormous support towards the wide coverage on TV, the producers of these fierce-scene films can stand a chance of become a household name and have more motivation to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with unparalleled qualities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to the
incessantly
growing watchers’ demand.

It would be an exaggeration to claim that watching the films which involve an excessive number of violence scenes does not bring any demerits. The extravagant preoccupation with these types of film of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children may lead to the increase in potential juvenile delinquency.
Nevertheless
, if children have the sufficient parental supervision, the seriousness of
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
obviously
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
watching too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents
are reported
to have engaged in quarrels since they
merely
want to imitate the actions implemented in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
However
, this phenomenon can
be averted
by creating more rigorous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and set watching time limits.

In conclusion
, it is evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents in films has both benefits and downside. When
Consider using "all the".
all of the
aforementioned issues
are tackled
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
will pose no threat to our society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT WE SHOULD LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF VIOLENCE IN MOVIES AND TV PROGRAMMES. HOWEVER, OTHERS BELIEVE THAT VIOLENT CONTENT CAN BRING SOME POSITIVE EFFECTS. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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