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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SUCCESS IS ABOUT HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION. OTHERS THINKS THAT SUCCESS HAS A CONNECTION WITH MONEY AND PERSONAL APPERANCE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS, GIVE YOUR OPINION AND SOME OF YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE v.4

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SUCCESS IS ABOUT HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION. OTHERS THINKS THAT SUCCESS HAS A CONNECTION WITH MONEY AND PERSONAL APPERANCE. 4
A group of people advocate that tremendous resolution and hard work plays an important role in the success of an individual, while others attribute desirable achievements to the outstanding traits and strong financial backgrounds. In this essay, both views will be demonstrated and discussed thoroughly. To begin with, exceptional appearance is regarded as the crucial factor of a person’s success. For example, Kim Kardashian, a prominent American model, possesses one of the most charismatic body at the moment. With this innate advantage, she has opted for fashion industry, signing a number of lucrative contracts with luxurious brands and acquiring a great deal of money eventually. Regarding people having good financial status, they can start their own business immediately after graduating and attracting investments. Since most of them are well-educated, their companies are believed to thrive in the long run. On the other hand, putting countless effort on a persistent target may bring higher probability of success to everyone. Cristiano Ronaldo, for example, used to be underestimated by the junior coaches due to his physical limitations at the beginning of his career. Nevertheless, thanks to his incredible diligence at practicing sessions, Ronaldo has overcome all the shortcomings and become one of the greatest footballers in the world. Besides, Nick Vujicic, the man with no legs or arms, has endeavoured to do tasks like everyone else like swimming, surfing or playing football. Also, his sense of humour and inspirational presentations have encouraged lots of people not to surrender, however difficult the circumstances are. Based on the aforementioned arguments, it can be concluded that being determined and assiduous is the key element to attain the accomplishments in the future. Wealth and appealing appearance may bring success quickly, but they are not as sustainable and invaluable as striving for goals relentlessly without giving up.
A group of
people
advocate that tremendous resolution and
hard
work plays an
important
role in the
success
of an individual, while others attribute desirable achievements to the outstanding traits and strong financial backgrounds. In this essay, both views will
be demonstrated
and discussed
thoroughly
.

To
begin
with, exceptional appearance
is regarded
as the crucial factor of a person’s
success
.
For example
, Kim Kardashian, a prominent American model, possesses one of the most charismatic body at the moment. With this innate advantage, she has opted for fashion industry, signing a number of lucrative contracts with luxurious brands and acquiring a great deal of money
eventually
. Regarding
people
having
good
financial status, they can
start
their
own
business immediately after graduating and attracting investments. Since most of them are well-educated, their
companies
are believed
to thrive in the long run.

On the other hand
, putting countless effort on a persistent target may bring higher probability of
success
to everyone. Cristiano Ronaldo,
for example
,
used
to
be underestimated
by the junior coaches due to his physical limitations at the beginning of his career.
Nevertheless
, thanks to his incredible diligence at practicing sessions, Ronaldo has overcome all the shortcomings and become one of the greatest footballers in the world.
Besides
, Nick
Vujicic
, the
man
with no legs or arms, has
endeavoured
to do
tasks like everyone else like swimming, surfing or playing football.
Also
, his sense of
humour
and inspirational presentations have encouraged lots of
people
not to surrender,
however
difficult the circumstances are.

Based on the aforementioned arguments, it can
be concluded
that
being determined
and assiduous is the key element to attain the accomplishments in the future. Wealth and appealing appearance may bring
success
quickly
,
but
they are not as sustainable and invaluable as striving for goals
relentlessly
without giving up.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SUCCESS IS ABOUT HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION. OTHERS THINKS THAT SUCCESS HAS A CONNECTION WITH MONEY AND PERSONAL APPERANCE. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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