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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? oRR9D
In this modern world, usage of technical devices is unavoidable. Most people argue that brutality shown in these devices have adverse effect on the community while others do not agree with this statement. From my viewpoint, I feel that people’s behavior is subjected to change. In addition, the growing violence and the increasing usage of these devices is deeply connected. This essay would discuss on the damaging effects on community caused by the technical devices. Firstly, these devices are used by the teens and adults on large scale. To attract this age group many Programs and games are constructed in way that promote brutality; therefore, identifying the reality is hard for those under this group. For example: The wrestling matches are performed by professionals on the sets, but teens tend to perform the same in home without any precautions. I would argue that these influence the young brains both consciously and unconsciously. Secondly, some people believe that the devices does not create any impact on the conducts. However. there are high chances of people to engage in gang violence. It is proved that, anybody can learn from constant watching, practice or listening. Due to this, individuals learn that gang violence is a heroic act. For instance: mimicking their superheroes from their attitude to behavior on the screen, they tend to imitate the violence too! This would probably create nuisance in the society. To Conclude, I strongly believe that technical devices pay way for the negative impacts in the community. Besides, the usage of them is inevitable in today’s world. I would suggest that government needs to investigate this alarming case by regulating the programs and games. My opinion is that adverse impact can be reduced greatly, if the young people are provided controlled freedom to use them.
In this modern world, usage of technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
is unavoidable. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that brutality shown in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have adverse effect on the community while others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. From my viewpoint, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
behavior
is subjected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
In addition
, the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and the increasing usage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
is
deeply
connected. This essay would discuss on the damaging effects on community caused by the technical devices.

Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the teens and adults on large scale. To attract this age group
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Programs and games
are constructed
in way that promote brutality;
therefore
, identifying the reality is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for those under this group.
For example
: The wrestling matches
are performed
by professionals on the sets,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
teens tend to perform the same in home without any precautions. I would argue that these influence the young brains both
consciously
and
unconsciously
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
does not create any impact on the conducts.
However
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are high chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in gang
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. It
is proved
that, anybody can learn from constant watching, practice or listening. Due to this, individuals learn that gang
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is a heroic act.
For instance
: mimicking their superheroes from their attitude to behavior on the screen, they tend to imitate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
too! This would
probably
create nuisance in the society.

To Conclude
, I
strongly
believe that technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
pay way for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts in the community.
Besides
, the usage of them is inevitable in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world. I would suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to investigate this alarming case by regulating the programs and games. My opinion is that adverse impact can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
greatly
, if the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are provided
controlled freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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