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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as unsatisfactory job or short of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as unsatisfactory job or short of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations PeN2
Accepting an unsatisfactory situation (whether a tough condition of job or lack of money) rather than trying to make a change and improvement is more suitable in some people's belief, which is a controversial issue for others. In this essay, both points of view will be discussed; however, working hard for change seems more logical. To start with, it is believed by some people that a hard circumstance is the result of a person's limitation in abilities which have brought to such condition that place. in other words, if they were able to change it, they would prevent its happening, consequently improvements are impossible. The other justification can be fear of losing the occupation position, even the unsatisfactory one, during the attempt to make change. Nevertheless, the quite opposite evidence can be found in successful figures` life, like Bill Gates and Elon Musk that in spite of growing in poverty, their attempt turned out into achievement. The contrary idea illustrate that the society would not meet prosperity unless all members try their best to enhance their own life which may lead/cause the development of community. It is also supported that referring to humans experiences, practical changes occurred during the criticism and people`s demand in policies reconsideration. Other than that, in personal perspective, everyone has a chance to live just once, so why do not seek the best way of it? In conclusion, in spite of encountering dangers and challenges during the way of making a progress in life, it is definitely worthwhile trying the best to achieve what really deserve.
Accepting an unsatisfactory situation (whether a tough condition of job or lack of money)
rather
than trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and improvement is more suitable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's belief, which is a controversial issue for others. In this essay, both points of view will
be discussed
;
however
, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
seems more logical.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
circumstance is the result of a person's limitation in abilities which have brought to such condition that place.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if they were able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
it, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
its happening,
consequently
improvements are impossible. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
justification can be fear of losing the occupation position, even the unsatisfactory one, during the attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
.
Nevertheless
, the quite opposite evidence can
be found
in successful figures` life, like Bill Gates and Elon Musk that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
growing in poverty, their attempt turned out into achievement.

The contrary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
illustrate that the society would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
prosperity unless all members try their best to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life which may lead/cause the development of community. It is
also
supported that referring to humans experiences, practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
occurred during the criticism and
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
demand in policies reconsideration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
than that, in personal perspective, everyone has a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
once,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
why do not seek the best way of it?

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
encountering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and challenges during the way of making
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "progress".
a progress
in life, it is definitely worthwhile trying the best to achieve what
really
deserve.

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as unsatisfactory job or short of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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