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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that it is better to accept a bad situation like shortage of money or job while others believe that try and improve those situations is best. Both sides of the argument present rational ideas, which will be elaborated. on the one hand, accepting bad situation is like accepting a failure. Once people start accepting those situations they will get habituated. Instead they have to wait patiently for their turn to come. For example many people don't have job satisfaction in their respective fields but they are surving for their family. Accepting a situation may also cause damage for their family members sometimes as they're dependent on him. On the other hand, some people feel that trying and improving bad situations will make them strong and improve their confidence levels. Without giving a try we can't achieve anything in future. Many successful people in world also faced many bad situations at their early days but they didn't giveup, by improving their negative areas and with hardwork they become successful. In my opinion, we shouldn't giveup or accept on bad situations instead we have to try and learn lessons from those situations which will increase our confidence levels. Before accepting bad situations try to discuss with our parents or dear ones you may get some positive motivation which changes your mind.
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Some
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people
believe that it is better to accept a
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bad
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situation
like shortage of money or job while others believe that try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
those
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situations
is best. Both sides of the argument present rational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, which will
be elaborated
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
on
the one hand,
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accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accepting
a failure.
“Once” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Once
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people
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start
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accepting
those
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situations
they will
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get
habituated.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
they
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have to
wait
patiently
for their turn to
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come
.
For example
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many
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people
don't have job
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satisfaction


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in
their respective fields
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but
they are
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surving
for their family.
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Accepting
a
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situation
may
also
cause damage for their family members
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sometimes
as they're dependent on him.

On the other hand
,
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some
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people
feel that trying and improving
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bad
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situations
will
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make
them strong and
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improve
their confidence levels. Without giving a try we can't achieve anything
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
.
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Many
successful
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people
in world
also
faced
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many
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bad
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situations
at their early days
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but
they didn't
Possible spelling mistake found.
giveup
, by improving their
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negative
areas and with
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
they become successful.

In my opinion, we shouldn't
Possible spelling mistake found.
giveup
or accept on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
instead
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try and learn lessons from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
which will increase our confidence levels.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
try to discuss with our parents or dear ones you may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
motivation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
your mind.

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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