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Some people argue who have been in prison can become good citizens later and it is often argue that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about dangers of committing a crime to what is extent do you agree or disagree

Some people argue who have been in prison can become good citizens later and it is often argue that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about dangers of committing a crime to what is extent gONd
Some say that people who have been imprisoned can change and become law-abiding citizens. Also, it is argued that they are the best people to talk to youngsters about all the dangers of criminal life. I totally disagree with these statements as a high percentage of prisoners re-offend and there are representatives of law who can give more useful information. First of all, people who committed a crime are less likely to become good citizens. The fact that their brain and psyche accepted such behaviour reduces the chances to improve as an individual. In other words, it is highly likely that the crime will be repeated again because there is a certain behavioural pattern in their brain. In similar situations, this pattern may force to reiterate the actions made when committing a crime. For instance, statistics show that former prisoners re-offend in 8 cases out of 10. Secondly, in most cases, prisoners are not great speakers and may experience difficulties in delivering the right message to teenagers. Moreover, a great number of them are people without any educational background. Thus, it is better to talk to people who work in jails as they see all the environment and situation. For example, police officers and lawyers see more dangerous situations and unusual cases in life than an average offender. In conclusion, I disagree that criminals can become good citizens and that they are the best persons to talk to teenagers. I would recommend talking to representatives of law working in prisons as they may give better information about the lives of prisoners.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
been imprisoned
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and become law-abiding citizens.
Also
, it
is argued
that they are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to talk to youngsters about all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of criminal life. I
totally
disagree with these statements as a high percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
re-offend and there are representatives of law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can give more useful information.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
committed a crime are less likely to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens. The fact that their brain and psyche
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
as an individual.
In other words
, it is
highly
likely that the crime will be
Consider using "repeated".
repeated again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
pattern in their brain. In similar situations, this pattern may force to reiterate the actions made when committing a crime.
For instance
, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
re-offend in 8 cases out of 10.

Secondly
,
in most cases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
are not great speakers and may experience difficulties in delivering the right message to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
Moreover
, a great number of them are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any educational background.
Thus
, it is better to talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in jails as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all the environment and situation.
For example
, police officers and lawyers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations and unusual cases in life than an average offender.

In conclusion
, I disagree that criminals can become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens and that they are the best persons to talk to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. I would recommend talking to representatives of law working in prisons as they may give better information about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
.
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IELTS essay Some people argue who have been in prison can become good citizens later and it is often argue that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about dangers of committing a crime to what is extent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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