Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour. AnGl
Making children to be an excellent human is the responsibility of the parents. Albeit one of the ways that can be done is giving punishment if youths make bad behaviours, this essay agrees that it is more effective if parents can provide some gifts when they do good behaviour. Giving punishment when children do bad activities is wrong, leading them to feel hatred toward their parents. This is to say, it tends to create bad experiences that children will remember all their life, resulting in having excessive mental trauma. For instance, in 2017, the Jakarta post reported an increase in children's violent cases by 50% in Jakarta. The perpetrator, who was their parents, admitted that it was a punishment for their children due to their bad activities, causing them becoming quiet and anti-social. Consequently, it tends to bring negative impacts on the youngsters' development in the future. Providing gifts can give more motivation for children to do the best they can do in it. This is since these cases will affect youth's development in their attitude and behaviour. To illustrate, in interviews with Mr. Iman, the Nobel Prize winner, he said the habit of his parents who gave him gifts when he got a good test in his school, made his motivation increase to achieve it, and it still affected until that time so that he could gain that prize. This results, the habit of giving gifts for children's good behaviours can bring positive impacts that deliver them to have a better life in the future. In conclusion, many parents think that their punishments can give a deterrent effect on children, causing them not to do bad activities anymore, but in my opinion, parents can provide some rewards when their children gain any achievement, leading them to have more motivation to get what they want.
Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be an excellent human is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Albeit one of the ways that can
be done
is giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
if youths
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that it is more effective if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
when they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
activities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, leading them to feel hatred toward their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This is to say, it tends to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
experiences that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will remember all their life, resulting in having excessive mental trauma.
For instance
, in 2017, the Jakarta post reported an increase in children's violent cases by 50% in Jakarta. The perpetrator, who was their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, admitted that it was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
activities, causing them becoming quiet and anti-social.
Consequently
, it tends to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the youngsters' development in the future.

Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
can give more motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do the best they can do in it. This is since these cases will affect youth's development in their attitude and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. To illustrate, in interviews with Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iman
, the Nobel Prize winner, he said the habit of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who gave him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
in his school, made his motivation increase to achieve it, and it
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
until that time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he could gain that prize. This results, the habit of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
for children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts that deliver them to have a better life in the future.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
can give a deterrent effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, causing them not to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
activities anymore,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rewards when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain any achievement, leading them to have more motivation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts