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Some countries encourage teenagers to have part time job and see that’s a good thing while others disagree . Give your opinion and discuss both views.

Some countries encourage teenagers to have part time job and see that’s a good thing while others disagree. Give your opinion and DlYLk
Encouraging teenagers for part time work is considered as good approach by some nations as this inculcates money magement skill in teens, while others believe that it could be destructive since teenagers may loose focus in education and can get exploited. In my opinion I believe there are more positive effects of the governments and parents monitor them on daily or weekly basis. On the one hand, many think that motivations teenagers to uptake part time work might enhance their money management skills and make them more responsible. In other words, many students receive pocket money from parents and are many a times unanswerable to the undue expenses. This irresponsible attitude is dimmed down once the teenager earns money and starts being accountable to the money earned spent and save for own usage. As a result, there is a considerable decrease of prudent decisions on money matters. On the other hand, early exposure to the business world can not only create urge for more money but also lead to education disorientation. There are high chances that they get attracted to earn more and more in a small span which ultimately lead to less interest in education. For instances, in Bihar the ratio of the college dropouts rejoining college was hardly 10% since, majority of them were diverted to part time works. Not only this, since teenagers don’t hold the knowledge of the work field there are chances they can get exploited by getting paid half the expense of their hardships. Unaware of the rules they can get manipulated by the colleague for the wrong works and can be misguided too. Thus getting into wrong place and inevitable troubles. In my opinion, part time jobs have many positive effects if same is guided and monitored by government campuses. Set of rules and regulations should be confined for adolescent workers. In conclusion, though part time jobs lead to development of more responsible teenage and money magement skills in them, the negative effects shall not be neglected. Both the views should be taken into consideration while encouraging part time jobs to teenagers.
Encouraging
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teenagers
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is considered
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations as this inculcates
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money
Possible spelling mistake found.
magement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in teens, while others believe that it could be destructive since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
may
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
education and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exploited. In my opinion I believe there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and parents monitor them on daily or weekly basis.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that motivations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to uptake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
might enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more responsible.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students receive pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from parents and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
unanswerable to the undue expenses. This irresponsible attitude
is dimmed
down once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
earns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
being accountable to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
earned spent and save for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
usage.
As a result
, there is a considerable decrease of prudent decisions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matters.

On the other hand
, early exposure to the business world can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create urge for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lead to education disorientation. There are high chances that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to earn more and more in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
span which
ultimately
lead to less interest in education. For instances, in Bihar the ratio of the college dropouts rejoining college was hardly 10% since,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
them
were diverted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
works. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
don’t hold the knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field there are chances they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exploited by getting paid half the expense of their hardships. Unaware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
manipulated by the colleague for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
works and can
be misguided
too.
Thus
getting into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
place and inevitable troubles.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects if same
is guided
and monitored by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
campuses. Set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations should
be confined
for adolescent workers.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs lead to development of more responsible teenage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Possible spelling mistake found.
magement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in them, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects shall not
be neglected
. Both the views should
be taken
into consideration while encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
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IELTS essay Some countries encourage teenagers to have part time job and see that’s a good thing while others disagree. Give your opinion and

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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