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Some countries encourage teenagers to have part time job and see that’s a good thing while others disagree . Give your opinion and discuss both views.

Some countries encourage teenagers to have part time job and see that’s a good thing while others disagree. Give your opinion and wB78r
Encouraging teenagers for part-time work is to be considered as good approach by a number of nations as this inculcates money management skill in teens, while others believe that it could be destructive since teenagers may lose focus study and can get exploited. In my opinion I believe there are more beneficial effects of the governments and parents monitor them on daily or weekly basis. On the one hand, numerous think that motivations teenagers to uptake part-time work might enhance their money management skills and make them more responsible. In other words, a number of students receive pocket money from parents and those are unanswerable to their undue expenses. This irresponsible attitude is dimmed down once the teenager earns money and starts being accountable to the money earned spent and save for own usage. As a result, there is a considerable decrease of prudent decisions on money matters. On the other hand, early exposure to the business world can create urge for more money. Not only that, it can also result into career disorientation. There are high chances that they get attracted to earn more and more in a tiny span and deviate their focus away from schools. For instances, in Bihar, a state of India, the ratio of the college dropouts rejoining college was hardly 10% since the majority of them were diverted to permanent works. Additionally, since teenagers don’t hold the knowledge of the work field, there is potential that they can get exploited by getting paid less compensation in compared to their hardships. In my opinion, part time jobs have numerous beneficial effects if it is guided and monitored by government campuses and guardians. The Set of rules and regulations should be confined for adolescent workers. In conclusion, though part-time jobs lead to development of more responsible teenage and money management skills in them, the adverse effects shall not be neglected. Both the views should be taken into consideration while encouraging part-time jobs to teenagers.
Encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
for part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is to
be considered
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach by a number of nations as this inculcates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in teens, while others believe that it could be destructive since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
may lose focus study and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exploited. In my opinion I believe there are more beneficial effects of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and parents monitor them on daily or weekly basis.

On the one hand, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that motivations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to uptake part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
might enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more responsible.
In other words
, a number of students receive pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from parents and those are unanswerable to their undue expenses. This irresponsible attitude
is dimmed
down once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
earns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
being accountable to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
earned spent and save for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
usage.
As a result
, there is a considerable decrease of prudent decisions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matters.

On the other hand
, early exposure to the business world can create urge for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, it can
also
result into career disorientation. There are high chances that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to earn more and more in a tiny span and deviate their focus away from schools. For instances, in Bihar, a state of India, the ratio of the college dropouts rejoining college was hardly 10% since the majority of them
were diverted
to permanent works.
Additionally
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
don’t hold the knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field, there is potential that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exploited by getting paid less compensation in compared to their hardships.

In my opinion,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
jobs have numerous beneficial effects if it
is guided
and monitored by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
campuses and guardians. The Set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations should
be confined
for adolescent workers.

In conclusion
, though part-time jobs lead to development of more responsible teenage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in them, the adverse effects shall not
be neglected
. Both the views should
be taken
into consideration while encouraging part-time jobs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
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IELTS essay Some countries encourage teenagers to have part time job and see that’s a good thing while others disagree. Give your opinion and

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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