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Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. pb9m3
It is believed that men are more superior than women. However, it is a topic of considerable debate. A School of thoughts believe that men are more focused towards their goals as compared to women. We will discuss both the aspects before drawing any conclusion. To begin with, in 21st century there is no discrimination between men and women. They both are equally strengthened for their work. Both have equal chances to get promotion in their particular field and even women can achieve higher posts by their hard work. Women are more patient and dedicated towards their work. Notably, we can see that now a days girls follow their own path and set their own goals to become successful in life. The best example for this is the the vice president of USA Kamla Harrison who is of Indian origin. She set an example for others that anyone can achieve their aim by hardworking and with their dedication. Secondly, the ability to do work is unmatchable as men and women have their own ability and ideas to do work. In this modern era, women get equal chances of progression in the career and it is upraised day by day. Even many women have achieved huge success in the different field. Some ill minded people think that women are less competitive than men their claims are baseless and illogical. In conclusion, I don't agree to the statement as nowadays men and women get equal chances in their career to become successful and women do very well in every field as compared to men.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
However
, it is a topic of considerable debate. A School of thoughts believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more focused towards their goals as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. We will discuss both the aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing any conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 21st century there is no discrimination between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. They both are
equally
strengthened for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Both have equal chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotion in their particular field and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can achieve higher posts by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are more patient and dedicated towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Notably
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
girls follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
path and set their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goals to become successful in life. The best example for this is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
vice president of USA
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kamla
Harrison who is of Indian origin. She set an example for others that anyone can achieve their aim by hardworking and with their dedication.

Secondly
, the ability to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is unmatchable as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ability and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal chances of progression in the career and it
is upraised
day by day. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have achieved huge success in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
ill minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are less competitive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
their claims are baseless and illogical.

In conclusion
, I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the statement as nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal chances in their career to become successful and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well in every field as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
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IELTS essay Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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