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Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. NQdg
Decreasing crime rate is the goal of many nations and people expect their governments to actively do so. A group of individuals believe that there is still a need of more serious steps to be taken to prevent crime while another group believes that whatever is being done now is sufficient. I think both the groups have their own reasons to have the opinion. I will shed some light on both aspects. To begin with, the people who believe that crime is being combabted efficiently say so because they are making a comparison with the past. As in the past, there were more number of illegal activities that were being committed but nowadays such type of activities have reduced. To be more clear, in the early days their were crimes like theft, robbery which have reduced nowadays and other crimes which are less physical have taken their place. Unlike those who are looking in the past, the other group focuses on implementation of stricter actions because they want to stop the crime before happening. Their motto is not just to face the problem when it comes but to be future ready and prevent the problem from even happening. They believe although the physical crimes have reduced but there are other forms of crimes that have emerged and there is still a need of actions to prevent those from of crimes. I however side myself with the second group that runs on the philosophy of prevention is better than cure. thus there is no harm in being extra cautious. To conclude, both sides have their valid grounds. It is true that crime is being tackled in a better manner nowadays but it cannot be denied that new from of crimes are emerging and our security system should be future ready.
Decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is the goal of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
actively
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "believes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'believe' is not always incorrect.)
believe
that there is
still
a need of more serious steps to
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
while another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that whatever is
being done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is sufficient. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons to have the opinion. I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on both aspects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is being
Possible spelling mistake found.
combabted
efficiently
say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are making a comparison with the past. As in the past, there were more number of illegal activities that were
being committed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays such type of activities have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. To be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, in the early days their were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like theft, robbery which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
nowadays and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which are less physical have taken their place.

Unlike those who are looking in the past, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
focuses on implementation of stricter actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
happening. Their motto is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to face the problem when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to be future ready and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the problem from even happening. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
although the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that have emerged and there is
still
a need of actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
those from of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. I
however
side myself with the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
that runs on the philosophy of prevention is better than cure.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
thus
there is no harm in being extra cautious.

To conclude
, both sides have their valid grounds. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
being tackled
in a better manner nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it cannot
be denied
that new from of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are emerging and our security system should be future ready.
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IELTS essay Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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