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Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities in their free time?

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities in their free time? m11Qd
Nowadays young People Considered Shopping Is Prominent For Pastime Activity. Numerous teenagers Go For Purchasing New item Just To Pass Their Time. It is Because They Were Curious Towards Travelling And Make Shopping is Part Of Travelling. I think There Are Plethora Of other Ways In Which They Can Participate Like Playing different Games And Develop Their Interest in Those Games. In Each Day Young People Have Requirement Of New Clothes I, Believe That This Urge Also Provide Pleasure In Doing enormous Shopping and Spending There Precious Time. For Instance Many Of My Friends go For Shopping because They Want To take New Clothes For Show Off And This Endorsed Passing Their Time. Furthermore, Large Number of Youngsters Are Student And They Get Tensed By Doing Regular Study So Parents Will Support Them by Providing Enough Amount For Shopping and Now They are Keen Fascinated Towards Shopping and Enjoying Their Free Time. I personally Believed That Definitely Adults Should Encourage Them To Spend Their Leisure Time In Some More Significant Activities Like Playing Sports And Going For GymIt Will also Benefit Their Health And Provide Great Sense Of Feeling. However It Will Not Develop Their Interest On the Contrary After Some Time Become Passion for Merely Some Youngster For Instance I was young I am Also To much Passionate For Shopping But My Father Forced Me For Playing Cricket After Sometime The More I Play The Curious I Became. In Conclusion Shopping play Significant Role For Passing Time And Enjoyment But They should Focus On Other Activities Which Are Good For Thier Development And Provide Dissimilar Pleasure
Nowadays young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
Considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
Is Prominent For Pastime Activity. Numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
Go For Purchasing New item
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
To Pass Their
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Time
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
They Were Curious Towards Travelling And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
is Part Of Travelling. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
There Are Plethora Of other Ways In Which They Can Participate Like Playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Games And Develop Their Interest in Those Games.

In Each Day Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
Have Requirement Of New Clothes I, Believe That This Urge
Also
Provide Pleasure In Doing enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
and Spending There Precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
.
For Instance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Of My Friends go For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
They Want To take New Clothes For
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Show
Off And This Endorsed Passing Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
.
Furthermore
, Large Number of Youngsters Are Student And They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Get
Tensed By Doing Regular Study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Parents Will Support Them by Providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Enough
Amount For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
They are Keen Fascinated Towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
and Enjoying Their Free Time.

I
personally
Believed That Definitely Adults Should Encourage Them To Spend Their Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
More Significant Activities Like Playing Sports And Going For
Possible spelling mistake found.
GymIt
Will
also
Benefit Their Health And Provide Great Sense Of Feeling.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
It Will Not Develop Their Interest
On the Contrary
After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "times"?
Time
Become Passion for
Merely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Youngster
For Instance
I was young I am
Also
Did you mean "too"?
To
much Passionate For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
My Father Forced Me For Playing Cricket After Sometime The More I Play The Curious I Became.

In Conclusion
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Shopping
play Significant Role For Passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
And Enjoyment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
They should Focus On Other Activities Which Are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
For
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thier
Development And Provide Dissimilar Pleasure
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IELTS essay Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities in their free time?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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