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Room reservation

Room reservation JoYYj
To Mr Frank, I have received your contact details from one of my friends who has recently availed your service. He was very positive regarding your hospitality and recommended your hostel situated in the Snowy Mountains. I am arranging a four days trip to Snowy Mountains for the students of Perth public school. We would arrive there on 3rd April, in the morning; however, we would directly go for the site seeing. We would check in the hostel in the evening only. A group of 15 students and me would require accommodation. We would prefer a three sharing room as it would be convenient and economical for the students. As we are travelling from Perth, I am confident that the place might freeze us. We would appreciate if we get extra blankets along with heaters in the room. My friend has mentioned that breakfast is included in the package. However, it would be nice if you could let me know the revised price including the dinner as well. I expect room availability and price details to be shared via email. Looking forward to hearing from your reply. Anahita.
To Mr Frank,

I have received your contact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
from one of my friends who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
has
recently availed your service. He was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
regarding your hospitality and recommended your hostel situated in the Snowy Mountains.

I am arranging a four days trip to Snowy Mountains for the students of Perth public school. We would arrive there on 3rd April, in the morning;
however
, we would
directly
go for the site seeing. We would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
in the hostel in the evening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. A group of 15 students and me would require accommodation.

We would prefer a three sharing room as it would be convenient and economical for the students. As we are travelling from Perth, I am confident that the place might freeze us. We would appreciate if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extra blankets along with heaters in the room. My friend has mentioned that breakfast
is included
in the package.
However
, it would be nice if you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know the revised price including the dinner
as well
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
room availability and price
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to
be shared
via email.

Looking forward to hearing from your reply.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Anahita
.
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IELTS essay Room reservation

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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